Put the grocery list away sis

So I’ve heard stories of many Christian women who created lists of their “dream man” and some who believe that they even received one from God. I however, have never felt led to create a list and the thought of doing it made me think that I was wasting my time. BUT the other day I made one out of blue. I put all these things on the list, some realistic and some not so much. Some silly and some so not so suitable for children (I’m human.) Anyways, after I wrote it I put it away and decided that it was done and that I can now say that I made a list. Did I think that it would come true one day? Not really. But I did get some clarity about it while watching a YouTube video a few days after. I started watching this video about a young woman talking about how she made a list of all the things she wanted in a man and eventually got a chance to go out on a date with her “dream man” only to realize that after prayer and discernment, her list of qualities in a man that she thought she wanted was not the man that God wanted her to be with. It made me think back to my list and at that moment I had to ask God not to send me the man that I wanted but to send the man I needed, more importantly the man that He saved specifically for me with the qualities He designed especially to fit me.

 

Maha Maven is the young woman who’s videos I started watching and she makes some really good points. I decided that I would take some of her points and combine them with some of my own that I came up with when it comes to dating as a Christian woman.

 

  1. Stop thinking that every guy you meet may be your husband. This certainly has affected me when it came to dating last year. I would meet a guy and always think, “Well maybe this is my husband?” But it wasn’t. It can become a big distraction and prevent you from keeping your focus on more important things. Like God.
  2. Stay away from toxic men. Don’t even entertain it. You know who these men are so I shouldn’t even have to tell you. But I do have to tell myself at times. Yes, this includes that guy that you know you shouldn’t get involved with but you do anyway because you get lonely and he makes you feel good, wanted, desired. Stop. Just. Stop. It also includes guys who are interested in you but put zero effort into courting you. It seems as if some men expect you to just take whatever bone they throw. Keep in mind that you are not desperate, just because a man shows an interest in you does not mean that you have to entertain it especially if you know this is a man that you should not be getting involved with. If a bit of your gut is telling you that this may not be a good idea then chances are it’s actually the Holy Spirit telling you to flee the situation. 
  3. Obedience is your responsibility. Outcome is God’s. This is a quote from Pastor Steven Furtick that was mentioned in the video. Obedience is not about holding out for sex and remaining abstinent just so God can send you a man. It’s about chasing after God and growing in your purpose so that you live your life happily whether your in a relationship or not.
  4. Singleness is not a burden. You don’t “deal with it” you thrive in it. I truly believe that I saved the best for last. Being single is your chance to accomplish so many amazing things that you can’t always do while you’re in a relationship. Especially when you’re in your twenties. You can switch jobs and move across the country if you wanted to, you could go back to school, you could even start a business. Take this opportunity to not only grow spiritually but grow as a person while taking care of yourself. Get active, visit places you’ve never been before, and most importantly HAVE FUN!

 

 

Here’s a link to the video I watched the other day. I hope you guys click on it and check out some of her other videos too. Thanks for reading and remember to like, comment, and share!

 

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I lie in the dust; revive me by your word

If I could be honest for a moment, sometimes I take for granted God’s word. Here I am with about three Bibles in my house plus the app on my phone and yet I’ll still go days without opening one of them up and reading it. Today I read a story in my devotional about a young boy in China who wanted a Bible so badly. He fasted and prayed and even weeped longing for a Bible until God blessed him with one and here I am with one in constant access to me. Well I know that the Word holds truth and wisdom and love but why do I still so often take it for granted? It’s kind of like exercising (which I can admit that I absolutely hate.) Don’t get me wrong, working out is great and I believe everyone should do it myself included but it’s just not my thing even though I know I should. But when I do push my myself to work out I feel so good after, like I really accomplished something that I know is good for me. Sometimes I just dance alone in my room, that counts right?

Well exercising is similar to me reading my Bible, once I finish I’m just like, “Wow, I really needed that. This book is so perfectly written why don’t I do this more often?” I think one of the reasons why I don’t is because I doubt myself and the enemy will tell me, “You won’t be able to understand this or be able to retain this information for future use.” But that’s not true, I have to speak to the devil and tell him, “Yes, yes I can read this and apply it to my life. You’ll see!”

One of the things I’m learning to do is to just get up and do the work especially when it comes to my walk with God and I definitely can’t let the devil fill my mind with doubt. We as Christians can’t stay stagnant when God wants us to constantly grow and evolve as believers.

Make the time to read your Bible. It’s some pretty amazing stuff in there.

30 I have chosen to be faithful;
    I have determined to live by your regulations.
31 I cling to your laws.
    Lord, don’t let me be put to shame!
32 I will pursue your commands,
    for you expand my understanding.

Psalm 119:30-32

Take yourself out

I woke up Saturday morning and really took some time to explore Richmond. But I realized that I was doing more than going to yard sales and walking around Brown’s Island. I was taking myself out on a little Saturday date. I got some exercise in, took some pictures of the city, and even treated myself to some nachos. It was great. More often then not I’ll find myself thinking of things to do around the city and say to myself, “Well that would be nice to do on a date.” But why wait for a date? (Especially if you’re me and your dating pool is as dry as the Sahara desert but anyways) We can’t always depend or even expect a man to come in and take us somewhere romantic, plus why should we even wait for one? I can tell you now that one thing I absolutely hate doing is waiting for people which is why I choose to do most things alone. When it comes to seeing things for the first time or trying out a new food spot I’d rather do it by myself. I like to soak up the atmosphere, take my time and if I don’t like it then I can leave when I please. Even with having a day off on the fourth it still felt like the longest week ever and I wanted to take the time to do something I wanted to do while I had the opportunity.

  It’s not only about taking yourself out, you may just need to take a bit of time to focus on you. Try taking just one day stepping away from the extracurricular activities with friends and family. Take a weekend to not make any plans and just go where the spirit leads you whether it be a museum, a new bar, or to get some ice cream.  So don’t ever be afraid to do things alone, plus you never know who you’ll meet or run in to 🙂

Or you may be like me and just need to catch up on some sleep and blogging!

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I am my hair.

It’s Friday afternoon. I just got off work early and it’s payday. I’m on my way to the city to go to my old beauty supply store because hair in the county is hella overpriced and I am not paying $4 for some braiding hair. But as I’m standing in line with my five packs of hair, gold clips, and jar of edge control I notice the long line of black women ahead of me. All different ages with similar items in hand like me. We are all about to get our hair done for the next few days or weeks. While I stood there waiting I realized that this was one of the things that made me so proud to be a black woman. It’s not about having my hair done, it’s about getting to experiment with the vast amount of hairstyles black women have so creatively come up with.

 

When my parents separated I, of course had to learn how to manage my own hair from a young age. Even before then it had become my responsiblilty to brush my hair in the mornings before school. It wasn’t something that I particularly liked doing but I had grown to love it. It took a lot of practice and lots of trial and error. I’ve had very successful looks and of course very bad ones. I’ve experiemented with various weaves, relaxers, and hair color on many occasions, sometimes interwining the few. I’ve spent hundreds of dollars on various hair products, extensions, and tools. Doing my hair has went from being a chore when I was younger, to now becoming a sort of stress relief practice for me now. Once I get settled in at home and get all of my things together and turn on my music, I just enter in to a different mode. And then seeing my myself transform just brings me this confidence that fuels me. But it’s not just about my outward appearance. Having my hair done honestly makes my life so much easier in the mornings. How convienient is it to just get up, take your head wrap off, spend the next 10-15 minutes getting ready and go!

 

I understand that working with people who don’t have the same hair passions as you can get a little awkward though. I’ve had my fair share of white coworkers giving me that, “Is that a weave?” or “Did your hair grow overnight!?” *sarcasticly* Yes, it’s weird and partly offensive. I have never minded the questions from other black women because I get more of an appreciation from them rather than an attraction from white people, it’s like I can see the questions coming and I cringe but hey, we’re all a work in progress I guess.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I love my natural hair but it’s a chore that’s why I’ve been trying various protective styles over the past year. Crochets have been my go to lately. They last for a good amount of time and I’m able to easily oil my scalp. They are also a way for me to use way less heat. My hair has endured so much heat damage that my curls have just finally started to come back from years of damage. Even though I’ve been natural for some years now I had never really felt good about myself unless my hair was straightened and then once my hair did really start to grow my curls were already so damaged that I still couldn’t do a regular wash n go without looking a hot mess. Once I began to realize that my hair needed more moisturizing and less heat, I learned the products that worked for me and I was able to decipher which hairstyles I could work with. YouTube has been my best friend and is where I learned how to do everything I know except braid. At the moment I’m really obsessed with braids so you may see me with more braided looks this summer!

 

Check out a few of my looks from the past and remember; adding any kind of hair can look natural if you do them just right!

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I just want to encourage all my girls and some guys out there as well to love your hair. Try some new styles if you want. Get those braids, do the big chop, work them bundles boo! Whatever you do, do it because YOU want to. Love you hair and embrace being a black woman. As the great Tracy Turnblad said, “Hair doesn’t have to just sit there like a dead thing on your shoulders!”

 

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Thanks for reading and remember to like, comment and share! 🙂

 

 

 

You can’t negotiate with God

It all seems so easy being that person who’s always giving others advice, particularly women when it comes to relationships. Yes, I’ve had my fair share of dating mishaps and mistakes but there are some things that I haven’t experienced. There comes a time when someone you may know becomes involved in a situation they know they shouldn’t be in. You convince yourself that this could never be me. But what happens when it does become you? I’ve always been the person that said, “Girl that could never be me in a relationship like that.” But after examining some things going on in my life I had to tell myself, “Hey, that kinda is you!” So then what’s next? How do you stop yourself from going down a path you clearly know you have no business going down? What do you pray? Who do you talk to? How do you even convince yourself to stop? These are real questions that I’m asking because I personally need to know. I’m not perfect, I know temptation usually comes when I least expect it or when I’m moving in a new direction in my life. But it’s about discipline. (Easier said than done.) No one likes to be disciplined and we certainly don’t want to discipline ourselves but as I sit here in my room typing this on my phone I can’t help but to tell those of you going through similar situations that it will get better. The Lord your God will make a way.

“The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.”

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭10:13‬ ‭

Which brings me to the title of this post. You can’t negotiate with God no matter how much you want something. If it’s meant to be yours then it will be. And if it isn’t then have the confidence to know that God will bring you something better. Hold on to that and let that be your comfort. It may hurt, it may burn and leave you heartbroken and feeling as if you’re missing out on something great. But God makes no mistakes. Hold on to His word and know your worth.

Feel free to comment your thoughts on this subject and don’t forget to like, comment, and share!

Get the work done

First thing I did when I got home was crack open a cold one. I don’t even drink during the week, let alone have that drink be a beer but it was THAT kind of day. Like all of my weeks this one has been especially long but it’s comforting to know that in just a few days I’ll be able to push everything aside and relax on the beach. It’s not always easy getting through day to day life and taking on new responsibilities while working full time and maintaining somewhat of a social life but it is possible.

 

But that’s just where I’m at. I choose to use this time while I’m single to do what I can and go where I can (If my schedule allows). But I need to focus more. Lately I’ve been caught up in some distractions which has made me realize that that’s not what my focus needs to be on right now.

 

Let me be a little more straightfoward. I’ve recently had a few guys come back in to my life and yes it’s all fun and games for now that is until your feelings start getting involved and your stuck thinking, “Wow God, maybe you removed this person from my life for a reason.” Or, “Maybe it’s for the best it didn’t work out and we can’t be together right now?” That last one hurt. But that’s just the way life goes. I can’t force God to bring someone into my life if He knows that I’m not ready. I just have to force myself to listen. Which I do, but believe you me it sure is tough.

 

Keep your focus on what God is calling you to do right now whether that’s taking on another job, working in ministry, or becoming someone’s mentor. Maybe God is calling you to reach out to other people and do some networking. Whatever it may be use your singleness to listen out for God. My roommate talks about realizing your purpose and up until moving in with her I had never really thought about what MY purpose was. I mean, I knew that we all have a purpose, but I never really thought to analyze what mine may be. God is calling each and every one of us to do something. It may not always be for our benefit, it could very much be to help someone else out. Either way, don’t let your singleness and eagerness to find a partner distract you from what God is doing in your life right now. Focus on the prize and run the race.

 

I guess being 25 has given me a boost of maturity and is not so bad afterall.

 

 

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.”

‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭12:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬

 

 

BTW quick plug: My roommates a blogger too, check her out! And remember to like, comment, and share!

https://mbmdotlife.wordpress.com/

Writing is hard but good.

At least for me. I’m not sure if you aspire to be a writer like me, but sometimes I get stuck and I’m left with little or no will to write. I say will because sometimes I play it off and say, “I have no inspriration.” But in all honestly, I get lazy and don’t always feel like opening up my computer or even journal.

 

I’m going to get better at this. My journal has become my new friend and even though I don’t always feel like writing I force myself to. I write about a number of things but mostly about guys. I have about five different journal entries on different guys (none of which I’m dating, relax.) But it helps me process the things, events that take place in my life. Those “does he like me/ does he not like me” moments and the “Are you there God? It’s me Angelica.” ones (I feel God really enjoys those.) If I can just put something on my pen and pad I feel like I have accomplished something. I mean, if you truly love something, then why not do it as much as you can. I do love writing but my mind is constantly in so many places at once, journaling is oftentimes one of the last things I feel like doing.

 

My advice to my fellow aspiring writers is to keep writing, write anything. What you like or what’s going on in your life right now. How do you feel? What do you think God is telling you throughout all of this or where He is leading you? The second thing to do is to READ! This is actually harder for me to do than writing at times. But it’s true! When you don’t have anything to write about then read. Read anything. I picked up three books today at the Library to take with me while I start my vacation this weekend. So challenge yourself! In the mean time I will too and I promise we’ll get through this together.

 

Love, Angie

 

P.s. I know three may seem a bit much but I wanted to pick books on various subjects and so I have listed them here:

  1. Still Waiting: The Perils and Pleasures of a Creative Life by Dani Shapiro (Nonfiction)
  2. Let’s Talk about Love by Claire Kann (Fiction Novel)
  3. We Are the Ones We Have Been Waiting For by Alice Walker (Poetry/Meditations)

Check them out and let me know if you have any suggestions. Like, comment, and share!

Twenty (freaking) Five.

May has been stagnant to say the least. Not really a bad thing because June is going to be CRAZY! I have so many things going on this month that I had to create an actual google calendar for it. The most important of these events however is well, MY BIRTHDAY! Yes, I will be turning 25 on June 7th and I thought I’d take this time to share a few thoughts and reflections on my upcoming birthday and how I’ve just been handling life so far.

Also, earlier this month I got the opportunity to do a little photoshoot with a friend of mine so I’ll be showing you guys a few of those pics here as well!

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  1. I didn’t think that a quarter of a midlife crisis was a real thing but it is. The other day I was driving and i asked myself, “Am I really about to be Twenty-Five!?” The answer is yes, yes I am. But what does that mean? Lowered car insurance? Not having to pay a young renters fee when booking a rental car? Being able to date a 30 year old man?

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2. Woah did you say 30 year old men? I must admit, the idea is a little intriguing but I still feel like that awkward 16 year old girl that eats chicken nuggets after school and is super in to the Twilight Saga. Do I really want to date a 30 year old? Do I want to date period? I mean it’s been a good four months since I’ve been out with anyone which isn’t a bad thing. Don’t get me wrong, it’s perfectly fine to date when your single but I think that being able to take a break sometimes and focus solely on what you have going on for a few months is a great thing. Dating can get exhausting and when your doing it with someone you don’t necessarily see yourself with in the future then what’s the point?

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3. I feel extremely blessed to be in the season that I am in. God always surrounds me with the people that I need in my life. I’m at a church that I love and I’m joining ministries that I never imagined I’d ever do. It still gets me nervous sometimes though. It’s always been a struggle for me to really open up and talk to people but socializing around big crowds of people gives me anxiety. I’ve opened up before about being shy but I have improved. I love having small one-on-one conversations with people all day but get me infront of a crowd of people and I’ll try my hardest not to cry. SERIOUSLY! However, I feel like the best way for me to get over this is to just get in there and do it. Get used to it, start talking to people, make yourself present. You can’t hide in the background forever.

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4. I’ve been trying to focus more on my writing. I’m starting to become a little more passionate about it whether it’s this blog, practicing my poetry, or just writing little snippets of things I want to include in my novel (Which I finally started but don’t get ahead of yourselves, that project may take a few more years to finish!) I have two journals that I try to take with me whenever I feel like I may have a few moments to spare. They’re not that full but I think I got some good stuff in there.

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5. Life gets hard sometimes, whether it’s my bills, health, or just family issues. I’ve learned that a lot of things are just out of my control. My depression and anxiety being one of them. I feel like I could be able to work on and put out so much more content but when I get home most of the time I just want to lay in me bed and watch YouTube videos until 12am. I don’t talk about it much but every since my mom’s brain surgery back in November my anxiety has been at crazy levels. I get scared to answer my phone sometimes because I think whoever is on the other line is giving me bad news. I know I need to see a therapist but I can’t afford that right now even with my insurance soooo I’ve been taking the holistic approach. I bathe in lavendar soap and limit my caffeine and alcohol consumption. Also, prayer. I know that God will prepare me for whatever battles come my way and He has been my rock throughout all of this. God will always be enough and I know that when the time is right he will provide and steer me in the right direction to seeing a Christian therapist or counselor.

I want to thank you guys for allowing me to be vunerable in my posts. I feel a real connection with you all when you tell me you’ve read my posts. I hope to really continue to pour my all in to these posts. I realize that I could have shut this down and abandoned it like I do with a lot of things I start but God has really been motivating me to keep going. I love you all and my prayer is that we all can continue to grow in the Lord this year. I’ve come a long way since dedicating my life to Him at 16 but I have to much farther to go! I can’t wait to continue sharing this journey with you whether it’s my accomplishments, mistakes, or just more, “He did what!?” dating stories.

And last but certaintly not least, I have to give a HUGE shoutout and Thank You to my friend LaKayla for photographing me. I let her know that this was NOT something I was used to but we had a great time in Downtown Richmond!

This vision is for a future time.
    It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.
If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently,
    for it will surely take place.
    It will not be delayed.

Habakuk 2:3 NLT

Thanks again for reading, like comment and share!

Childish Gambino and my longstanding love for the unconventional black man.

I remember walking in to a GAP store years ago, probably sometime in the winter of 2011 while I was at home on break with some friends. I saw this huge picture of Donald Glover modeling for the brand. In a small description off to the corner had his name and that he was a musician so naturally I went home and googled him. I INSTANTLY fell in love when I listened “Break.”

“These black girls with natural hair that keep up with their Tumblrs.”

If you knew me during this time then you know I was heavy on Tumblr back then. However, this isn’t about my weirdness. It’s about Donald’s, who’s been gaining a lot of attention lately especially with his new song, THIS IS AMERICA (if you haven’t seen it already then I suggest you head to YouTube to witness the masterpice it is). After his new video dropped people praised him on his ability to bring racial injustice issues to a visual art but soon after there were people to rain on his parade. One of the things that I heard people talking about was the fact that his girlfriend (and mother of his children) is not black and it raised the question with some people about his ability (or lack of) to be “pro black” while being with someone outside of his race. Oddly enough many people think that you can’t. I for one enormously disagree with this because 1. You fall in love with whoever you fall in love with and you can’t FORCE yourself to fall in love with someone because they are the same race as you. And 2. Unless that person is preventing you from expressing your blackness I see no issue. You think if she was stopping him from being Childish Gambino he would still be with her? I think not.

 

One of the responses I’ve seen since this conversation started was how Donald Glover always viewed himself as a “weirdo” or an “outsider.” Which he was and one of the reasons why I fell in love with him. He’s also talked about how in the past some black women weren’t attracted to him because he didn’t fit into the standard black male narrative so it shouldn’t really be a surprise that he found love with a woman that wasn’t black. I mean, were black women checking for Gambino when Because the Internet came out?? Not really, so let this man live.

 

I however have been a Gambino fan since the ROYALTY mistape (so many good hidden features.)

 

Anyways, I look back on some of the unconventional black men I’ve know in real life, and had some crushes on, maybe even dated, and I think about how they always knew they were different. They were still proud to be black but they knew they were different. I guess it’s easier for me to like different things outside of the “normal black narrative” becasue I’m a female but why is it different for black boys to like anime or Led Zepplin or Star Wars? Why do we consider them weird or even call them white? It’s hurtful and mean. Let these black men like what they like and wear Toms if they want to. It’s almost as if they have to limit themselves to rap music, Jordans, and disrespecting women.

 

Unconventional black men are creative, intelligent, and deserving of our love and respect too.

 

 

An open letter to my ex(best friend).

I noticed you unblocked me a year or so ago. I’m not entirely sure as to why but as any normal person would, I scroll through your pictures sometimes. It’s crazy to me that you’re a mother now. I’m honestly happy for you. I know we didn’t end on the best of terms and I’ve tried apologizing to you but I think it was your pride that got in the way. That doesn’t mean that what I said to you was any better. I was hurt. But I neglected to think about how you really felt. I understand now that I can’t convince someone to unlove a person and you aren’t the only one that’s made me come to that realization. I want you to know that I still pray for you every now and then. As I get older I realize how many stupid things I’ve done, that we’ve all done and how I wish I could take them back or at least handle the situation differently. I honestly do apologize for the way I spoke to you. I was way out of line and you responded in a way that shouldn’t have come as a surprise to me. But moving past that. I think about your mom a lot. I hope she’s doing well. She was always so welcoming to me, she treated me better than my own mother when I truly think about it. Anyways, I past by their house all the time. My sister bought a house on the next street over. Every now and then I see your mom driving and it’s so funny to me.

With all of that being said, my hope is that one day we can have a conversation together. Maybe not as best friends but as old friends.

– La Angèlica