Where do I go from here?

Just when you think your life is going in one direction you get hit with a detour that you have no choice but to take. That’s sort of what happened to me back in August of last year. I went from thinking I had found the guy of my dreams to finding myself alone and heartbroken and extremely angry. I was angry because I had wasted two years of my life with someone who threw it all away for a night with another girl. To this day I don’t know what they did and I don’t care to know. But what I do know for sure is that I needed to go through that. Of course it still hurts like hell but it’s taken me out of that fairy tale love story that so many young women try to make for themselves. We get so caught up in falling in love and finding someone to spend the rest of our lives with that we don’t know what it’s like to truly survive on our own especially in this post high school/college funk. I had lost myself in my last relationship though. I put him before myself, before my own needs and goals. I ignored the signs that told me it was time to leave or take a break from it because I thought that it would work itself out. But it never did. It only got worse. How could someone I thought loved me so much hurt me so badly in the end? I didn’t want to know his response. I just wanted him out of my life.

I dealt with this heartbreak the only way I could. To just leave it and never look back. I distanced myself from everything that had anything to do with him and I was able to regain my strength. But I’m not like other women and have my past relationships to thank for that. I had been heartbroken before and a time before that and a time before that. But there was something about this time that really sparked something inside of me. If he didn’t want to be with me I wasn’t going to beg him to change his mind. I wasn’t going to “fight for my relationship” because he wasn’t my husband, he was just a boyfriend and he had the choice to freely leave whenever he wanted out. In the end I knew my worth and I wasn’t going to let some immature boy with no direction in his life dictate that.

Several months later, and here I am writing this post not just for me but for the next woman going through something similar. Don’t ever settle babygirl. If you love a man and he’s not giving you the love you crave in return then he is not for you. You deserve to be loved. You deserved to be respected. And you deserve to be treated as an equal. Don’t ever rush love because you’re lonely or because every one around you seems to be in a happy relationship. Your time will come and I promise you that when it does and if you wait for it the right way, it will all be worth it. I’ll never sacrifice my life, my dignity, my ability to wait, or my love for the Lord just to be able to say that I have a boyfriend again. I had made so many promises to God that “In my next relationship I’ll wait.” But I never kept that promise. And I don’t blame my inability to keep a promise on why my relationships never worked out but it sure did make the pain hurt more. Time and time again I gave up a part of myself that I could never get back and I wasted it on guys who were in no way worthy of truly loving me. BUT GOD rescued me. He delivered me from heartache and no I am not completely healed but he has made me stronger than I was before. Before my last relationship even started and after being engaged and then humiliated God ended up giving me confirmation that everything would be alright. That I didn’t have to worry because I have a father up above who loves me (I also have pretty amazing earthly father too.)

One thing I can be sure of is that if I ever do decide to start a new relationship with someone I will be confident that this person will be who God has sent for me. I don’t want to rush in to anything and I most certainly don’t want to settle. It’s so easy to fall in love with someone and ignore all of the red flags that come up throughout the ordeal.

  1. If he is a non-believer and is close minded about it don’t begin a relationship with him.
  2. God will never send you an already committed man whether it be married, going through a divorce, or simply seeing another woman. If he cheated with you, he will cheat on you!
  3. He must treat you as his equal and with respect.

But these points are just what I go by when it comes to who I choose to date. And yes, I have been on a few dates but I am in no way ready to start a new relationship any time soon. I want to live. I want to experience life for myself and I like to believe that my future mate is doing the same. I don’t expect him to be perfect but I do expect him to be ready. I refuse to wait around for a man to love me when he’s ready because he wants to chase some little girls right now. I may only be twenty two but I am still too grown to put up with that. For now just let me live. Let me grow in the Lord and in life. Yes I do still get lonely but I have discipline. I don’t feel the need to find a random guy and ask him to hang out because I know what that might lead to and I’m not about to go down that road again. If I do go out on a date with a guy it’s because I have the freedom to and not because I’m lonely and need some one to tell me I’m pretty.

My hope that is that this post truly helps someone out there as much as it has helped me by writing it. I feel like God blessed me with a spirit to help women of all ages. So whether your sixteen or sixty one, life doesn’t end after a failed relationship. It has only begun. Take some time to love yourself and look for God in the little moments and the little blessings like brewing a cup of coffee or calling your mom to say hello. Life is way too short to be in a miserable relationship.

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