Go get her. A special post for my guys.

This one is for the lovers.

To the ones that want to take a chance on love.

To the ones that are too afraid…

or just don’t know how to start a conversation with her.

You see I don’t just write to women, I write to people who feel but this one is for my guys especially. We hear so much about how women can be lonely on Valentine’s day but truth is, men can be just as lonely.

I am a hopeless romantic. I LOVE love that’s why I’ve taken so many chances on it after I’ve been heartbroken. Love is a beautiful thing. It feels weightless as if nothing in the world matters but it is in those intimate moments sitting or laying in complete silence listening to each other breathe that makes it all worth it. This is the love we should strive for. Let us not settle for anything less than what makes us happy.

So you like a girl?

Before you go after her, ask yourself why? Why is this the woman you want?  What about her? And once you figure that out, why you? What would you bring to this woman that she should take the chance on you. Why should she open her heart up to fall in love with you? I ask you to answer these questions because when women love, they love hard. So unless you are ready to be serious with her, don’t waster her time. Women can be so easy to become emotionally invested in someone without them even knowing it. What I mean by this is sometimes our feelings take over faster than we expect and we’re left fallen in love with a man that hasn’t even fully committed himself to us yet. 

Don’t let her go through that heartache if you don’t see yourself being in a relationship with her.

But if you do want the girl then go and get her. Take action and be straight forward with her whether you want to ask her out on a date or just for her number. This is 2017. Stop playing games and say what you mean. After all love is a risk. 

And if it’s loving that you want…

Look her in the eyes and tell her how beautiful she is. Show her that you want her, what she means to you, and how she makes you feel. Take note of her features, her body, her curves, what makes her smile, what makes her cry. Find out what you two have in common and what you don’t. 

So shoot your shot my brothers, take a chance on love this year because you deserve it. You deserve a woman who loves you unconditionally and who’s going to be there for you. Don’t let a past heartbreak deprive you of that. God created us to love and he created Eve as a gift to Adam. Remember that. She was created for you, so she comes first. 

“if you gave me
half a moon of a chance
i would
kiss the incisors
out of your mouth, clean
and hold them in my
own, like chippings
from an old mug
then
pray my tongue into
a bowl of holy water
and ask god to never
leave you thirsty.”

― Warsan Shire

CLICK HERE! Post written with vibes. JMSN – The One

Always with love,

Ang

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More than skin deep. My awkwardness defined.

How did I grow up to be the tall, awkward, shy but opinionated, optimistic mixed girl? 

Since I started school I was always quiet. I remember my first day of kindergarten I cried because I was so scared of being away from my parents. I was always very shy and as I got older that’s pretty much what every one who actually acknowledged my existence thought of when someone would mentioned me. But even though I was shy I still had to develop thick skin at an early age. I was in third grade when we had to move from the county to the city. It was a culture shock for me. I went from a predominately white elementary school and having mostly white friends to going to a very urban school with mostly blacks and Latinos. I remember my first day there I was walking in line to go to lunch and this dark skinned black girl was sitting in the corner because she was in time out and gave me the most stank look I had ever seen. She took that one look at me and I was so shocked and confused. I didn’t even know her and she basically hates me for no reason. I realized as I got older that it was obvious. There she was this dark skinned big lipped girl with corn rows sitting in time out and here I was this new light skinned girl with long curly hair just going to lunch. She was jealous of me and she honestly wasn’t the first. But I never thought of myself as the pretty one. Elementary school was the only time I looked at myself as “decent.” 

Middle school was the worst for me. Not only was my body changing, my parents separated and I stayed with my dad, my only friend moved away, my dad wasn’t working so he couldn’t afford to buy me school clothes which I really needed because I hit a growth spurt in 7th grade. I was 5’7 in 8th grade wearing Reebok classics (they were huge) but all I could think about was if I was going to eat when I got home and if this would be the week we get our water turned back on. My life was rough in middle school but thank God we survived. Boys were the last thing on my mind. 

The summer before 9th grade started my best friends gay uncle (Uncle Isaac) introduced me to makeup. He had this little powder makeup compact and he said “Ooo let me try this on you and see how it looks!” So I let him and it honestly changed my life. I had acne scars really bad and I didn’t really know how to take care of my skin so when he powdered my face my eyes opened up and I finally thought that I looked decent again. So at 14 years old I began wearing makeup and since we still moved around a lot I was constantly being “the new girl.” High school was better but not really. I was still shy but since I was getting attention from boys (finally) I no longer thought of myself as ugly. But since I was was still shy and no one knew, I was labeled as conceited. Which was HIGHLY wrong!

Going away to college was my breakout moment. Since it was my first time alone I was forced to open up and make friends and simply speak up for myself. Even though I didn’t finish college my time there still helped mold me into the woman I am today. I had to go through bad relationships and learn how to speak my mind. I had to stop being the shy girl and say the things I had always wanted to say. Since I went through the things I went through as a child and had accepted Jesus I realized that I was always going to be alright no matter what He took me through. And I know that I may not be in the most perfect place in my life now but it’s surely better than the place other people imagined me to be in. The odds were always against my sister and I growing up. Having a mother who wasn’t always around made us destined for early pregnancy and welfare. And even though my sister did get pregnant at an early age she also worked her ass off to become a nurse and beat those odds. That gave me hope. Growing up the way I did gave me an optimistic look on life. Yes I may not have my life altogether but at least I ate today lol 

So here I am, 23 years old and still shy at times. Although I’ve built up more confidence over the years I’m still very awkward. I like to observe people and I can’t help it. When I was just shy I wouldn’t talk but I would always listen and I still do. I can also talk to people all day but sometimes I just want to watch other people. My constant observations haven’t always been the best quality of mine however. Mostly because with my observing comes thoughts. I feel like people should know what they’re doing wrong, not that I’m always right about people but if I think someone’s going to make a bad decision I’m going to tell them. I think my honesty makes me a better person. I would want people to be honest with me, but I have learned that everyone can not handle the honest truth. 

In the end I’m satisfied with who I’ve become. I know I’m not finished evolving and I’m welcome to growth. I love being able to call myself a Mexican and a black woman. I am also thankful that we now live in a society where dark is not considered “ugly” because people ask me all the time if my mother is light skinned and I say no. My mother a beautiful dark skinned woman and she is part of the reason why I have grown to be the confident woman I am today from learning from her. She never thought of herself as “less than” because she wasn’t light. My mama is a strong black woman and so am I so be proud of who you are no matter what shade you are! 

I stand with all of those around the world who marched for women’s rights and the rights of so many others! You are so amazing whether you marched along or admired from afar. We can’t stop, we must continue this fight and love one another on the way no matter what color, shade, sex, religion, or political party.

Patience and acceptance. Life a year and a half later.

I know you guys are tired of me talking about relationships but I honestly have nothing else to talk about. So here you go!

It’s been almost a year and a half since my breakup and I have to say that my life is in a different place than where it was this time last year. I was having lunch with a friend today and we talked a little about it and it really had me thinking, “I was really living life last year..” Mostly it was just me going out with friends downtown and being the twenty-two year old I was and I still enjoy going out every now and then but not for the same reasons. Last year was about me being free and being able to do and go anywhere I want and I did. I got on a plane by myself and flew to Texas which was amazing but I need to slow down this year. 2017 has me really trying get my life on some sort of path to success wherever that may be and since I’m subjected to going to work and just coming home (because I have bills to pay) I’m lonely.

 

But Ang you’re always alone. You said yourself that you love it?

 

And yes I do love my alone time but my craving for companionship isn’t just for someone to be around. I want someone to be there for me emotionally. Mostly because since I don’t really have a life, I make myself emotionally available for my friends and family at all times. If they need to talk, I am there. If I don’t have time then I will make time. But I have my own problems as well. And I don’t talk about them much because I don’t want to burden anyone with what often seems to me like nothing. But it is something. I was so stressed out in December that I ended up in the emergency room and I was forced to finally talk about what was going on. And maybe I just need a therapist, who knows? My point is, when the time is right I want to be with someone who is able to be there for me emotionally. Yes, I know Jesus is always there and I’ve filled my mind, and car, with scriptures but we’re talking about my future here.

 

Which brings me to patience. My years of working in a nursing home have not prepared me for this. Patience is hard. I mean, I can’t force my dream man to just walk in to my life. So until then I’m just stuck with patience because I won’t settle for just anyone because I’m lonely. I don’t understand how anyone could. It’s okay to give people a chance but if you find yourself dating someone that you just know you won’t be truly happy with then why continue? Why starve yourself to think that, “One day, one day I’m going to love this person.” Or even worse, “One day he’s going to love me.” Ugh, I just cringed at the thought. I refuse to be that woman again. Instead, I will be the woman that is patient because I know what I want and I am confident that the Lord will provide me with such a man.

 

And acceptance?

 

I just have to accept the fact that it just may take another year or two, maybe even more, until that man comes along. I wish I could tell my single friends who read my blog that it gets easier, but it doesn’t lol. You just have to distract yourself from dwelling in sadness. It’s okay to be lonely, but don’t drown in it. There have been plenty of times when I got in my car and went somewhere just to be around other people. Which is why I really miss the warm weather. I miss being outside and now that I’m stuck inside I’m also stuck with my thoughts and BET movies. But January is almost over and I just have to make it to March. I can do it. We can do it. We got this.

 

P.s. I won’t stop being there for my friends. I was there before and I am still here now.