I did something today that I told myself I would never do again. 

I prayed for my future husband. 

And I did it because I’m still not sure if God has someone for me but if He does then I want to make sure that he is someone that was sent to me from God. 

It’s been almost two years since my last serious relationship and those scars have not yet healed entirely. But as I attempt to open myself up back into dating I’m struck with the fact that I have absolutely no one to date. I mean absolutely no one. And here’s two reasons why… 

1. I refuse to date anyone who is not actively seeking God.
2. I refuse to date a boy. I need a man

It’s simple and I don’t believe I’m being picky or having too high standards but those two things are a big essential for me and if I’m not being shown that a man who wants to pursue me has those qualities then I obviously don’t want him. 

Even though I’ve met guys who do meet those standards. HOWEVER, they don’t want me. But that’s okay because the guy that God has saved for me WILL want me and I won’t have to do backflips in front of him for him to notice me. 

If and when I’m willing to take another chance on love then I want it to be a blessed relationship. I know it’ll have some hard times but anything given to you from God will be able to sustain anything. 


“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” Joseph Campbell 

Which I guess not having anyone one to date isn’t such a bad thing. I can say that I do find myself having a clearer mind and I do feel like I have built a stronger relationship with God. I’m content with my loneliness, I always have been and I always will be. 

So until it happens..

I don’t know if I’ve met my husband yet or not but my prayer for him is that he has the strength to continue on the path to becoming the man God has called him to be.

Until we figure this thing out…

https://soundcloud.com/black-indie-dude/freak-ocean-ready

I hope you dance 

The past few days have been difficult. I can feel that I haven’t been the same since Thursday and though I’ve cried many tears and slept more hours to ignore the pain, I have to smile again.

But I still can’t help but be sad for now. I’m sad because a woman who knew she was battling cancer and other diseases still managed to smile in the midst of her storm. She knew how sick she was but she never once complained. She didn’t have any kids of her own but she kept pictures of her nieces on her kitchen table. She loved us more than we knew. I know that she wouldn’t have wanted to see us mourn her death I can’t help but to. But even though I’m sobbing as I write this I must remind myself that she doesn’t have to suffer anymore and I know that she’s watching over me. I know she’d want to see me happy and getting on with my life. She’s impacted me in a way that I wasn’t even aware of until now. 

I may be sad for now but God will get me through. I have put my trust in Him and I know that there is a life to be celebrated. 


“Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭30:5‬ ‭NKJV‬‬


I wear a ring that says, “If God brings you to it, he will bring you THROUGH it.” So I am going to continue to praise Him during this rain because I have overcome trials myself that I didn’t think I’d get through but I did. And I am so thankful to know that I have an amazing amount of friends who have took the time out to check on me and spend time with me as I get through this. This sadness is only but for a moment compared to the immense joy that lies ahead. Christ died so that I wouldn’t have to go through these things alone and He continues to bless me in every breath that I take. 


“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.””

‭‭John‬ ‭16:33‬ ‭NLT‬‬ 


One of my absolute favorite songs of all time.


In memory of Lula Mae Harper💕