Or what I should have said was, not to let these HURT men fool you in to thinking that you should be paying for your own meal on dates. I’ve seen this conversation come up before, there’s videos of people talking about it on facebook. I even started watching some but I could never get through the whole thing and I have finally decided to make a response. Men and women who believe in “going dutch” and yes I’ve paid for my own meal before, even paid for meals for my man but the key factor in this was that he was MY MAN and it’s healthy to treat your man because he deserves it.
Dating however, is a different story for me. The reason why I am a firm believer in having the man pay for the meal on dates is simple and Steve Harvey said it best. He is not the prize, YOU ARE! Now, i’m not a huge fan of Steve Harvey giving relationship advice, but he’s got a point here. The Bible teaches us that it wasn’t good for man to be alone so he made woman specifically for man. Genesis 2:18. We were made for man. It is not our job to prove to men why they should choose us to be their partner. I’m an independent woman, I can afford to pay for my own meal and I have no problem in doing so. I’m not looking for a man to be my father (I already have a dad and he’s a great one at that). What I do need however, is for a man to prove to me that I am the one he wants ME to choose by courting me. That’s the problem with dating now. Women don’t give men the chance to court them anymore! Some women have become so consumed in wanting a relationship so quick and fast that they give themselves up too soon only to be hurt in the end. I know because that was me! There was a time where I just wanted a man to love me but I realize now that I want so much more than that. I need so much more than that. Yes, I need love but I also need stability, I need comfort. We get so caught up in wanting a man love us that we neglect to find a man who can LEAD us.
But let me pull it back some because I’m getting off subject. If we as single women believe that we are a prize then God will send us that leader. The Bible says that he will give us the desires of our heart. I desire for a man to prove to me that he is the one I should choose to do this thing called life with and I trust God enough to know that He will deliver in His timing. So if i’m out on a date and a guy asks me to pay for MY meal then I will do that. I have absolutely no problem in doing so but I can tell you one thing for sure, that will be the last time I go out on a date with him ever again. There’s too many hurt men out here that I simply do not have the time for and if my expectations are too much for them then they aren’t the ones for me. I would much rather spend the next twenty four years of my life waiting for the man God has for me then to go through another shitty relationship and get hurt again. What God has for me will be for me and if we knew just how great His plans are for us then we would gladly spend our time waiting patiently for Him. But we don’t know and the idea of not knowing when something is going to happen bothers us so we rush our lives, take what we can get and then expect God to help us when we fall when we were never meant to have gone through that relationship in the first place.
Don’t ignore the signs ladies. Know what you want from a man and if he can’t deliver then don’t settle. Please don’t ever settle. You are valuable and you are worthy and you deserve a man that is going to love you the way you want to be loved. It’s not easy being single but this single season that we are in is only because God is preparing us. It may not be for a relationship, it may be for a job or a trip, or a huge life change but remember that it is for a reason.