I really do not want to message this person but I know I should. It is time for me to begin this process of forgiveness. The thought of it makes my stomach turn. How do you forgive someone that has hurt you so bad the thought of them still makes you angry after two years?
The other day I was talking to my friend and I was telling her about how I wanted to forgive someone. I WANT to forgive them but I am not sure that I CAN forgive them yet. Honestly, I am still angry, and sad, and filled with all of these other emotions that I claim I don’t still have for them but I know that I do. So I ask myself, “Why do I want to forgive him?” I want to because I want to finally be free of this anger and bitterness. I want to move on and truly close that chapter of my life. It’s been almost two years since my ex fiancé left me for another woman and the thought of it still makes me want to drive my car in to a tree. But forgiveness.
A few days after getting this crazy idea I get this question about, you guessed it! Forgiveness.
(God is always trying to make me face my problems man…)
I’ll start by saying that I am no expert on forgiveness. I do not think that anything I say will be some secret life changing way of forgiving someone. What I can tell you though, is how I forgave someone so close to me for hurting me.
By now some of you have read my testimony about growing up with a mother struggling with an addiction. It was hard and I was angry all throughout middle and high school because my mother abandoned me when I needed her the most. But one night during prayer in my youth group when I was about 16 or 17 I finally forgave her. It wasn’t easy but it was necessary for me and for my walk with God. I knew that God was leading me in a particular direction where I couldn’t do what He called me to do while continuing to live with this hurt in my heart especially towards someone so vital to my life; My mother.
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you and so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3:13
What I get from this verse is that people are not perfect. They are going to hurt you especially if they themselves have been hurt by others. Sometimes they’ll apologize for what they did and sometimes they won’t because they don’t think that what they did was wrong. But it’s not our job to argue or demand an apology every time. It is our job to forgive them and let go of the hurt because it is then when we can truly find peace in Christ. One of the things I’ve realized is that God is working things out in our lives individually and in a way that is set up specifically for us. So just how God wants to work things out in your life, He wants to work things out in the lives of the people that hurt you as well. If God can forgive the person that hurt you and put you through so much pain and heartache and sleepless nights then so can you.
So to get back to the question, yes it is going to be hard to forgive them but you have to for YOUR sake (and sanity.) And as for “moving on” sometimes friendships are only meant to last a few seasons and if that season is over then yes you should move on especially if you’re starting to feel like it’s getting too toxic for you mentally. Some friendships can be life draining. You try and try to be there for that person and love them and pray for them but they don’t always see the sacrifices you made to keep that friendship strong. You just have to forgive them and move on anyway. But continue to pray for them. I still pray for my old friendships because I know that we all have our own demons that we face daily and you may not realize just how bad their battle is. The spirit of suicide is strong and so many people struggle with thoughts of it. So if you’ve had people close to you confide in you about them dealing with that please PLEASE continue to cover them in prayer. Even people that haven’t made you aware of it. We have all been given the gift of life. Let’s use it.
I hope that this post has given you some clarity on your question. Not one of us is perfect but we serve a perfect God. He did not put us on this Earth to live in constant hurt or pain. If you are thinking about forgiving someone but don’t feel like you are ready to it’s okay. Tell God that you want to forgive them and He will hear you and give you the strength to. I haven’t yet gotten up the strength to forgive the person that has hurt me but I want to and I need to so that I can be free and truly move on.
(…Plus, what if the reason why I can’t find a man is because I’m still hanging on to all this hurt? But seriously, it’s been like two years.)
Alright now I’m done.
Look for my new blog posts on Sundays! Most likely not every Sunday but this is the day where I have the most time because I have no life and all I do is work.
Thanks for reading and keep sending your questions and comments!
National Suicide Prevention