May has been stagnant to say the least. Not really a bad thing because June is going to be CRAZY! I have so many things going on this month that I had to create an actual google calendar for it. The most important of these events however is well, MY BIRTHDAY! Yes, I will be turning 25 on June 7th and I thought I’d take this time to share a few thoughts and reflections on my upcoming birthday and how I’ve just been handling life so far.
Also, earlier this month I got the opportunity to do a little photoshoot with a friend of mine so I’ll be showing you guys a few of those pics here as well!
- I didn’t think that a quarter of a midlife crisis was a real thing but it is. The other day I was driving and i asked myself, “Am I really about to be Twenty-Five!?” The answer is yes, yes I am. But what does that mean? Lowered car insurance? Not having to pay a young renters fee when booking a rental car? Being able to date a 30 year old man?
2. Woah did you say 30 year old men? I must admit, the idea is a little intriguing but I still feel like that awkward 16 year old girl that eats chicken nuggets after school and is super in to the Twilight Saga. Do I really want to date a 30 year old? Do I want to date period? I mean it’s been a good four months since I’ve been out with anyone which isn’t a bad thing. Don’t get me wrong, it’s perfectly fine to date when your single but I think that being able to take a break sometimes and focus solely on what you have going on for a few months is a great thing. Dating can get exhausting and when your doing it with someone you don’t necessarily see yourself with in the future then what’s the point?
3. I feel extremely blessed to be in the season that I am in. God always surrounds me with the people that I need in my life. I’m at a church that I love and I’m joining ministries that I never imagined I’d ever do. It still gets me nervous sometimes though. It’s always been a struggle for me to really open up and talk to people but socializing around big crowds of people gives me anxiety. I’ve opened up before about being shy but I have improved. I love having small one-on-one conversations with people all day but get me infront of a crowd of people and I’ll try my hardest not to cry. SERIOUSLY! However, I feel like the best way for me to get over this is to just get in there and do it. Get used to it, start talking to people, make yourself present. You can’t hide in the background forever.
4. I’ve been trying to focus more on my writing. I’m starting to become a little more passionate about it whether it’s this blog, practicing my poetry, or just writing little snippets of things I want to include in my novel (Which I finally started but don’t get ahead of yourselves, that project may take a few more years to finish!) I have two journals that I try to take with me whenever I feel like I may have a few moments to spare. They’re not that full but I think I got some good stuff in there.
5. Life gets hard sometimes, whether it’s my bills, health, or just family issues. I’ve learned that a lot of things are just out of my control. My depression and anxiety being one of them. I feel like I could be able to work on and put out so much more content but when I get home most of the time I just want to lay in me bed and watch YouTube videos until 12am. I don’t talk about it much but every since my mom’s brain surgery back in November my anxiety has been at crazy levels. I get scared to answer my phone sometimes because I think whoever is on the other line is giving me bad news. I know I need to see a therapist but I can’t afford that right now even with my insurance soooo I’ve been taking the holistic approach. I bathe in lavendar soap and limit my caffeine and alcohol consumption. Also, prayer. I know that God will prepare me for whatever battles come my way and He has been my rock throughout all of this. God will always be enough and I know that when the time is right he will provide and steer me in the right direction to seeing a Christian therapist or counselor.
I want to thank you guys for allowing me to be vunerable in my posts. I feel a real connection with you all when you tell me you’ve read my posts. I hope to really continue to pour my all in to these posts. I realize that I could have shut this down and abandoned it like I do with a lot of things I start but God has really been motivating me to keep going. I love you all and my prayer is that we all can continue to grow in the Lord this year. I’ve come a long way since dedicating my life to Him at 16 but I have to much farther to go! I can’t wait to continue sharing this journey with you whether it’s my accomplishments, mistakes, or just more, “He did what!?” dating stories.
And last but certaintly not least, I have to give a HUGE shoutout and Thank You to my friend LaKayla for photographing me. I let her know that this was NOT something I was used to but we had a great time in Downtown Richmond!
This vision is for a future time.
It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.
If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently,
for it will surely take place.
It will not be delayed.
Habakuk 2:3 NLT
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