Thank u, next: I’m so greatful for my ex.

Every single one of them actually.

I just finished listening to Ariana Grande’s new song and I have to say, I’m very proud of her. I’ve been a fan of hers every since she was on Victorious. There was just something about her voice that amazed me while I sat there watching it with my nieces. She’s been through a lot just like me. From growing up in a broken home, struggling with anxiety, and going in and out of relationships. We have more than I thought we had in common. I on the other hand have never experienced the trauma of being involved in a mass shooting but being in huge crowds of people triggers my anxiety for that specific reason. I’m not saying we deal with the exact same struggles but I sympathize with her a lot. In her song she thanks her ex’s for the lessons each relationship taught her. It taught her how to love herself and learn how to be with herself. So I thought, “Wow, that’s exactly what I’ve been learning.” Relationships in general teach you a lot, about life, about heartache, and about yourself. I think about the ex’s that I was able to forgive and remain friends with but I also think about the ones I left and never wanted to see again. I’m learning to thank those ex’s too. What do I possible have to thank them for? Well, I thank them for realizing that I deserved more than half-love. I deserved someone committed to me and only me. I also thank them for allowing me to fall back in love in with God. To understand that He does and should always come first. To wait on Him and with Him until a man worthy enough of my love comes along. Not to rush love and settle for more pain just to say I have a partner. Love doesn’t hurt nor does it make you sit in your room at night and cry. I spent many nights alone in my room crying and wondering why does love always seem to be so hard. But I rose through it. Relationships should reflect God’s love and not anyone else’s definition of it.

“If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end. Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:3-10‬ ‭MSG‬‬

My prayer is for you, Ariana, and myself to continue falling in love with ourselves. This year I had realize that nobody got me like I got me. Take care of yourself. See a therapist. If something is wrong then try to fix it. Things may be hard right now but you’re going to be alright. God will get you through this just like He got you through everything else. You just have to Let Him.

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