No this post isn’t named after another Ariana Grande song

End of the year thoughts

Looking back on this year I honestly can’t really say that I accomplished much or that much happened. I worked a lot. I did make it to the beach over the summer. I moved out. I had to get a tooth pulled. I was in two car accidents. My mom got re-established and back into her own place. My dad got remarried. I almost became a side-chick. (I’ll address this later). I cried, a lot. I questioned life. I questioned my life. I kept going. I drove a lot. I danced a lot. I drank a lot. I became a co life group leader of 12 women. I cut my own hair spontaneously. I stayed abstinent. I made a handful of new friends. All in all 2018 wasn’t bad it was just life.

Moving forward I hope that 2019 is somewhat better but with the way my anxiety is set up my mind automatically sets to “I wonder what kinds of bad things will happen this year?”

I promise I’m not that faithless.

I know that whatever 2019 brings that my God will sustain me through it all. I’ve also set a few goals. Pretty small goals because I know me. One of which is finding a therapist. I was supposed to find one this year but you know, bills.

Romantically wise: Ehh. 2018 wasn’t exactly a year of romance. After 2017 I pretty much said. “Nah, I’m good.” And to address the side-chick mention from earlier I didn’t actually become one, I had my come to Jesus moment and decided that I could in no way be that girl especially after having been on the other side once. And then I just thought, “Do you actually want to be with someone who obviously can’t be loyal in the relationship he’s already in and you have the audacity to think he gonna be faithful to YOU? Girl, bye. So yes, after months of deliberating I let that go. I mean, I’m just being honest. That decision didn’t come overnight. I turned 25 this year and really thought I was grown all of a sudden. Anyways, I’m leaving trash men alone in 2018 and perhaps just African men in general.

(Totally joking but not really.)

I wish I could give you some inspiring life advice on what to look forward to but I don’t have any. I don’t even know if I’ll continue blogging in to the next year but we’ll see. I can say that the one thing I wasn’t this year is perfect. I got angry, but I also got vulnerable. Perhaps more than I’ve ever been. I just want people to know that I’m not this picture perfect Christian. I drink whisky and I cuss sometimes but when I’m broken I still cry out to the Lord.  I want to live my life but I also want those I encounter to have the opportunity to experience Christ through me.

May 2019 bring forth a season of redemption and enlightenment.

 

See you next year God willing.

Love, Angelica

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