Love that will not let me go

As single Christians I have noticed that there is such a huge emphasis on finding the right person that it often becomes a bigger priority than our walk with Christ. We always hear about establishing a relationship with Christ and then He will send us the person we are meant to be with.

 

But what if you aren’t meant to be with anyone? What if God is calling you to be like Paul? Work for Him spreading the Good News and being single the rest of your life? Will you follow His calling?

 

I wanted to ask this question because in my first year of singleness I felt like there were too many people pushing me to find someone to be with. Of course with me being the person that I am, I wasn’t going to settle for just anyone. But it made me think about other women and men who fall into the trap of spending the rest of your life worrying about if this is the day your soulmate will walk in your life. Maybe you’ve imagined yourself walking into a coffee shop and you’ll look over and God will whisper in to your ear saying, “That’s the one.” We get so caught up trying to date and meet people that we lose our focus from God. Yes, finding our significant other is something we all want but what if God is not calling you to be with anyone? Yes, majority of us will fall in love and get married (God doesn’t really call that many people to stay single for the rest of their lives) but I asked the question about Paul earlier because I had to accept the fact that if God didn’t have anyone for me then I would still be happy.

 

If you truly believe that Jesus is enough for you and that He is your rock and Salvation then why do you feel the need to have anyone else?

 

During my second year of singleness I had come to the realization that if God wanted me to spend the rest of my life doing something I absolutely love and spreading the love and Word of Christ, then I didn’t need a man and I would still be happy.

 

So light a fire in my heart and I’ll burn for You. 

 

I believe that if we truly put our focus on God and living for Him then of course He will give us the desires of our heart. People would tell me all the time, “God will send you your man when you’re least expecting it.” So I took that time of “least expecting” and challenged myself to really strive after Christ and push myself to really live for Him and to love others.

 

So I started this blog. I wanted to help other women (and now men) on their journey through singleness. But it has also really helped me from removing a growing need for companionship into an evergrowing need for Christ.

 

My vision for writing this post was not to convince people to stop dating or to bash my friends for trying to get me to talk to guys. It is to challenge any single Christians reading this to make sure that your want for marriage does not hold a bigger place in your heart than your relationship with Christ.

 

“Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.”

‭‭John‬ ‭15:4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

 
Like always, thanks for reading and remember to comment, like and share! Also continue sending me your questions/concerns here!

 

Listen to Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go by Ascend the Hill

 

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Questions?

Now that August is finally over I decided to wait until September to write my next post and I am so glad that I did. These past two weekends have been crazy busy but very good nonetheless.

I went to a PJ Morton concert.

I went out to eat with my family.

I picked up some extra hours at work.

I met my dad’s new girlfriend?

I hung out with some friends and spent Labor Day with my family and friends. 

 

So all in all it has been a pretty good ending to August considering the way that month started out. I can feel that some really good things are beginning to happen in my life but I am going to save that news for another time!

 

I got a few really good questions so here they are, your questions to me answered:

 

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Thank you! And yes I do. As I’ve said in a previous post I have really oily skin. I always have dealt with acne and scarring but it wasn’t until I really started wearing more makeup that I realized, I really need to take better care of my skin.

So I do a few things. I use African black soap by Shea Moisture to scrub off all the dirt and leftover makeup at the end of the day. I also use witch hazel with a small cotton round to really get inside my pores. Sometimes I use a little Vitamin E oil for scarring (It’s pretty oily so I don’t cover my whole face in it). Lastly, I just recently bought some rose oil spray from Marshalls for $5.99 so I use that in the morning and at night after I’ve washed my face so that it’s a little moisturized but not overly moisturized.

 

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Personally, when it comes to relationships I am not one to take people back. But i’m not saying that you shouldn’t. I believe that it’s something you need to seek God for guidance on. If you believe that that person has truly changed and the two of you can move on without dwelling on the past then go for it. In friendships, it’s kind of the same thing for me. I don’t believe in holding grudges but after someone has done me wrong, I have to be weary of them. Guard your heart and try not put yourself in the position to be hurt by them again. If you really love them (whether it’s a family member, friend, or relationship), and feel that they have learned from their mistakes then yes, give them that second chance but do it because YOU want to. People do change and growth is real. Try not to let other’s influence YOUR decisions but also be mindful of their advice. At the end of the day the decision to stay or move on is all based on what you want to do.

 

But if God is sending you signs that you need to leave that person alone then LEAVE THAT PERSON ALONE.

 

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Thank you. Well I would just start off by asking them if you can talk to them about something serious. What I do, is I rehearse what I want to say beforehand. Form your words as if you were talking to someone you don’t even know so that you’re not letting your own emotions show through your words. Also, tell them why you feel the way that you do. Remind them that you’re only telling them because you care but ultimately be mindful about how they might react to the news. You may help them or you may lose a friend, but if telling them how you feel helps them to walk away from whatever situation they are facing then I would say that it’s worth it.

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Ahh yes, I do listen to various types of music. Gospel and worship music are some of my favorites when I’m having a bad day or just need a pick me up. I use Spotify and my playlists are all public so feel free to follow them or just look through them to see what I’m listening to. Currently, I’m really in to Tell All My Friends by Will Reagan and United Pursuit. I’ll post that and some of my other favorites below. But to just tell name a few I really love Israel Houghton, Elevation Church, Hillsong, Travis Greene, Tasha Cobbs, Jesus Culture, Crowder, Social Club, John Givez, Andy Mineo, Mali Music, and sooooo much more!

Tell All My Friends

Worships Songs Playlist

Rap songs by Christian Artists

Mali Music Playlist

Blessings Playlist by Spotify

 

So that’s all of my questions for this week! Feel free to continue sending me your questions here. I also wanted to thank you all for taking the time to click the link to my friends ministry page on the last post. If you missed it you can find it again here. Also, one of my friends from my church is planning to go on The world race so if you are being led to donate to a cause or just want to learn more about what that is you can click the link to her page here. Thanks again for taking the time to read my post. Don’t hesitate comment, like, and share!

 

 

 

Rednecks, forgiveness, and Godly men

None of which will have anything to do with one another so we’re going to jump around today.

 

 

With everything that’s been going on since last Saturday I honestly have no words for all of that except that it was a hot ass mess. But what it did do was bring up a lot of conversation about race that many of us should be talking about. I posted a status on my Facebook page about the Black Lives Matter movements and how many people complained about how “violent” they were but how those same people were silent about Charlottesville. And then my “uncle” BY MARRIAGE commented something about how “all lives mattered” and that we “should be doing something about it instead of just talking about the issues” and that kind of triggered me. No, it REALLY triggered me because I’ve heard a lot of people saying that. “Oh anyone can post a status but what are you really doing about the situation?”

 

 

The truth is I am doing something about it and I believe that a lot of us are doing more about it now than we ever have before. There is nothing wrong with posting a status about your thoughts on the events that are happening because people are going to read it and they are going to talk about it. Now I’m not really one to post about my good deeds or acts of kindness but the other day at my job I just had a simple conversation about race with my Pharmacist that refers to herself as a redneck. Now I honestly love my Pharmacist, she’s from the small town of Bristol, Virginia and has this subtle southern accent. We don’t really get in to political affiliations but I am about 98% sure she votes republican. She is one of the most kind hearted, well-meaning spirits I have ever met. So the other night #Charlottesville came up and we just talked about how utterly disgusted we both were in the violence and bigotry that ensued and lives lost and how it is basically “not that serious.” But the part that really got to me was how she told me during her vacation her sister-in-law made a racist joke about black people and so she called her out on it, and explained to her that her child (who was playing near them at the time) is listening to the things her mom says about other people and then grows up thinking that way as well.

 

 

I was, how do these young people say? “Shooketh.” Not only because I was hella proud my Pharmacist took a stand against racism like that but because I feel that these are the conversations that need to be happening and this is how we respond with actions when people who hardly have jobs themselves jump in OUR FACEBOOK comments talmbout’ “That’s just how things are until we do something about it, talking is good but doing is better.”

 

 

Let me tell you all something. Do not let people who have nothing better to do with their time try to condemn you for your thoughts and opinions on matters that you are passionate about. Do not waste your time trying to argue with them, tell them why you feel that way and move on because you can’t argue with ignorance.

 

 

But the purpose of this post was not to throw all that shade so let’s move on to this week’s questions!

 

 

This past week I got these two interesting questions that I’m really happy I got. I am so glad a lot of you seemed to really enjoy my previous post on forgiveness.

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Yes, I did end up forgiving that person and although the conversation was still very hard, and the devil STILL tried to come for my happiness. In the end I felt like I did what I needed to do and I felt a great weight being lifted off of my chest. No I don’t see us becoming friends any time soon or even in the next few years for that matter but I do feel like that tie I had to him was finally cut off. I’ve forgiven him and I can really move on with my life because I have made peace with the situation. True forgiveness starts in the heart, not only did I forgive him but I even apologized for things that I’ve said. It wasn’t easy but it was necessary for my healing. I am not completely healed, I’ll always remember nearly driving off a bridge this time two years ago because my car hydroplaned and then getting left for another woman right after but in the future those wounds won’t hurt nearly as bad. God always takes us through things for a reason.

 

 

 

And for the second question

 

 

What Qualities do I look for/have prayed to God for in my future husbnad?

 

 

The number one thing on my list and that I absolutely have to start with is a Godly man. I pray for a man that is going to lead me spiritually. I am a heavy thinker, and I get stressed so easily, so I need a man who’s going to turn to me in my hard times and say something like, “Why are you so worried about this situation when you know that God is going to lift you up out of it?” I mean Godly in every aspect of it. I’ve dated a lot of “Christian boys” and “guys who believe in God” but never in my life have I dated a Godly man. Godly men don’t ask you come over after 11pm to just “hang out.” They don’t pressure you to have sex or do things you don’t want to do for their pleasure. I’ve made those mistakes before and dated guys like that and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere but left me heartbroken. Every. Time. So not only do I pray for a Godly man but I pray for the ability to walk away from the men that don’t possess this quality and it has been very effective lol

 

 

As for other qualities, I would like a man that I can get along with and can share that special friendship with. I believe in that spark. That feeling of just knowing that this is the person for me so I pray that God reveals that to me in my future husband. I also want to be with a guy that is on the same level as me intellectually, which is probably why I can no longer date guys from Richmond, but anyways!

 

 

This morning I was thinking about some of the past guys who have shown an interest in me over the years and I chose not to date them because I just knew that we didn’t have that spark. I mean they were “good guys” loved the Lord, prayed, went to church, all that but I never felt that special connection with them. Now they got girlfriends, or happily married, even married with kids. I’ll stumble upon them on social media and think, “Dang. That coulda been me in Europe right now”

 

 

But I was never that cold-hearted. I never wanted to be with a person thinking that I’m only with them based on what they can give/do for me. I know in my heart that someday God is going to send me a man that is going to make me realize why I chose to wait for him. Sometimes we miss out on the great things God has for us because we chose the things that we want at the time because they are convenient to us or just look good.

 

 

I hope you all continue to read and enjoy my posts! Remember to comment, like and share!

 

 

I think next week i’m going to take a break from the questions because I have something else on my heart I’d like to share with you all but continue to send your questions here and I’ll answer them in a future post!

Forgiveness 

I really do not want to message this person but I know I should. It is time for me to begin this process of forgiveness. The thought of it makes my stomach turn. How do you forgive someone that has hurt you so bad the thought of them still makes you angry after two years?

 

 

The other day I was talking to my friend and I was telling her about how I wanted to forgive someone. I WANT to forgive them but I am not sure that I CAN forgive them yet. Honestly, I am still angry, and sad, and filled with all of these other emotions that I claim I don’t still have for them but I know that I do. So I ask myself, “Why do I want to forgive him?” I want to because I want to finally be free of this anger and bitterness. I want to move on and truly close that chapter of my life. It’s been almost two years since my ex fiancé left me for another woman and the thought of it still makes me want to drive my car in to a tree. But forgiveness.

 

 

A few days after getting this crazy idea I get this question about, you guessed it! Forgiveness.

(God is always trying to make me face my problems man…)

pout

 

 

 

I’ll start by saying that I am no expert on forgiveness. I do not think that anything I say will be some secret life changing way of forgiving someone. What I can tell you though, is how I forgave someone so close to me for hurting me.

 

By now some of you have read my testimony about growing up with a mother struggling with an addiction. It was hard and I was angry all throughout middle and high school because my mother abandoned me when I needed her the most. But one night during prayer in my youth group when I was about 16 or 17 I finally forgave her. It wasn’t easy but it was necessary for me and for my walk with God. I knew that God was leading me in a particular direction where I couldn’t do what He called me to do while continuing to live with this hurt in my heart especially towards someone so vital to my life; My mother.

 

“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you and so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3:13

 

What I get from this verse is that people are not perfect. They are going to hurt you especially if they themselves have been hurt by others. Sometimes they’ll apologize for what they did and sometimes they won’t because they don’t think that what they did was wrong. But it’s not our job to argue or demand an apology every time. It is our job to forgive them and let go of the hurt because it is then when we can truly find peace in Christ. One of the things I’ve realized is that God is working things out in our lives individually and in a way that is set up specifically for us. So just how God wants to work things out in your life, He wants to work things out in the lives of the people that hurt you as well. If God can forgive the person that hurt you and put you through so much pain and heartache and sleepless nights then so can you.

 

 

So to get back to the question, yes it is going to be hard to forgive them but you have to for YOUR sake (and sanity.) And as for “moving on” sometimes friendships are only meant to last a few seasons and if that season is over then yes you should move on especially if you’re starting to feel like it’s getting too toxic for you mentally. Some friendships can be life draining. You try and try to be there for that person and love them and pray for them but they don’t always see the sacrifices you made to keep that friendship strong. You just have to forgive them and move on anyway. But continue to pray for them. I still pray for my old friendships because I know that we all have our own demons that we face daily and you may not realize just how bad their battle is. The spirit of suicide is strong and so many people struggle with thoughts of it. So if you’ve had people close to you confide in you about them dealing with that please PLEASE continue to cover them in prayer. Even people that haven’t made you aware of it. We have all been given the gift of life. Let’s use it.

 

 

I hope that this post has given you some clarity on your question. Not one of us is perfect but we serve a perfect God. He did not put us on this Earth to live in constant hurt or pain. If you are thinking about forgiving someone but don’t feel like you are ready to it’s okay. Tell God that you want to forgive them and He will hear you and give you the strength to. I haven’t yet gotten up the strength to forgive the person that has hurt me but I want to and I need to so that I can be free and truly move on.

 

 

(…Plus, what if the reason why I can’t find a man is because I’m still hanging on to all this hurt? But seriously, it’s been like two years.)

 

 

Alright now I’m done.

blanche

 

Look for my new blog posts on Sundays! Most likely not every Sunday but this is the day where I have the most time because I have no life and all I do is work.

 

 

Thanks for reading and keep sending your questions and comments!

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National Suicide Prevention

1-800-273-8255

 

 

I asked you guys to send me some questions and well, here’s what we got;

But first let me update you guys on some things in my life.

 

After several months of studying and working in the Pharmacy I am now a state of Virginia registered Pharmacy Technician! The reason why I wanted to share this with you all is because if you really knew me then you’d know just how nervous I was about taking the state exam. What was crazy about it is that every one told me that I would pass and I had so many people praying for me. I mean really, the days leading up to my exam were some of the most nerve wrecking days ever but what amazed me was how many people prayed for me, I mean people that I hardly even knew! I am forever grateful for all of the prayers that contributed to me getting an 89 on my exam! YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!! Also, I made the decision to join a new church so I am pretty excited about that too!

 

Now to these questions,

 

Earlier this week I learned about a new app called Sarahah. If you don’t know it’s kind of like Formspring and ask.fm where people can send you anonymous messages so I made one for you guys to send me questions to answer on my Blog! And well a few of you did lol

 

So here they are;

Hmm, well one of the best things that I could tell you would be time. I know it’s doesn’t seem like it’s the easiest thing to do but giving yourself time to heal is honestly the most satisfying. What I did after my breakups, was just spend time with myself, learn about what YOU like and YOU don’t like. I remember this one time in college I was headed to the gym at the start of my sophomore year and I had ALWAYS wanted to go rock climbing and I remembered asking my ex the year before if we could go and of course he said no. So that evening I was just like, “I am going to climb that wall!” So I went in and they strapped me up to climb up the wall and as I got to the top I got so nervous but the instructor just kept reminding me to, “Just let go, you’re going to be fine!” And in that moment I did and I let go of EVERYTHING and even though it may not seem like much it was one of the most liberating experiences of my life.

There’s alway that one friend that constantly trolls your messages. Thanks Tye!

Yes! This is my blog that I made last year in March. I decided to start writing a blog because writing was one of the things that helped me get through some pretty rough moments throughout high school and since 2015 was a rollercoaster of a year for me I settled for a blog! And I love reading my friends blogs so please go right ahead!

Thank you so much! I’ve learned to respect people’s opinion’s about my blog and so far it seems like a lot of people really like it so that makes me happy. Plus if there was any criticism I would be more that open to hearing that as well. A good number of my guy friends have told me that they’ve read my posts and I always like to ask them what they think and so far so good.

 

As for my “Romantic Endeavors” no. There’s not much romance going on in my life right now. It’s funny because I said that 2017 would be my year to find a man but that’s not really working out right now so I think I’m just going to shoot for next year. I mean I would be open to dating a guy of course but like I said in a previous post, I dont get asked out much.

 

Also, the guys I do tend to like don’t text back so there’s that.

 

 

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This was fun! If you guys want to send me some more questions to add to a future post then please feel free to comment them or send them to me here. I mean I could talk about relationships for days but if there is anything else you would like to hear me talk about then let me know!

 

 

 

Last Cigarette 

Have you ever been that person that your friends come to for advice sometimes? And then after you think wow my friends are so lucky to have me because that would totally be what I would have done if I was in that situation. But then only to find yourself in that EXACT position and NOT do what you said you’d do? What I’m trying to say is, things are easier said than done. 

Sometimes we find ourselves in positions that we promised we would not put ourselves in again and yet, here we are. But I will admit to my mistakes, I know that I am not perfect and I fail God every day but I am trying. Sometimes it takes one last mistake to truly get your mind focused on what’s right. But it’s hard. They’ll be setbacks, withdrawals, pressure and many times we give in to it. 

“Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.””

‭‭Mark‬ ‭14:38 NLT

Now I don’t smoke but my mom did. Marlboro lights 100s. Towards the end of last year my aunt came out and told us that she had COPD as well a few other health issues. My mom took it really hard so she quit smoking. Just like that, cold turkey. And I knew how difficult it was for her especially when my aunt passed away a few months ago. But my mom didn’t give up. She’s still cigarette free for about 7 months now and I’m proud of her. 

Temptation is hard. We all give in to it sometimes but try not to be so hard on yourselves when you do. Instead pray about it and ask God to remove what ever desire it is that is tempting you whether it be a cigarette, a drink, or a person. Things will eventually get easier to resist but it depends on your willingness to trust in Him. 

Daddy’s girl.

I had originally planned to write and have this post ready on actual Father’s Day but like I do every Sunday, I came home from church, ate, and took a long and much needed nap. Then I woke up and got distracted by Twitter and TV.

 

 

But anyways…

 

 

My father. There are so many things I can say about him, many of which people already know. He’s this strong, hard working, faithful man of God that many people see and what I see as well. It’s amazing to me how many people come up to me in church and say, “oh Arturo is your dad? We love him so much!” Yes, my dad loves serving, and seeing him active in church has given me a love for it as well. Now I probably don’t have a wake up at 7am on a Saturday morning love of serving like he does but i’m getting there.

 

 

Since I started blogging I’ve been pretty forward about my upbringing. But to catch some of you guys up here it is; My parents got married a year and a half after I was born and they separated just days before my twelfth birthday. For as long as I can remember I have always been a daddy’s girl so it was no question that I would remain living with my dad. But it was hard. I mean at the time my mom had her own demons she was struggling with so staying with my dad was the best decision I could have made and it would have broke my daddy’s heart for him to see me leave. I literally am the only family my dad has in the state of Virginia. As I look back on those days I can’t help but be amazed at how far we’ve come. Not only was I going through puberty at the time of the separation and didn’t have my mom around but it just seemed like life was just getting harder and harder. There were so many times where my daddy couldn’t find work, couldn’t afford rent, couldn’t afford to pay bills. We spent summers without water and/or air conditioning, winters without heat, months without transportation but I never went hungry. I always had clean clothes and I always had my dad who loved me and prayed for me. Prayed for us. And God always came through and provided.

 

 

This year for Father’s Day I brought him some food from this new Peruvian place by the house and my dad loved it. After we ate he went in his room and took a nap and as I layed in my bed I just thanked God for us being able to enjoy this hot day inside with central air! Sometimes I look at my life and I think that I’m just stuck and I can’t seem to be moving in any direction but then I look at all the blessings around me and rejoice. They may be small things that most people don’t think about but when you’ve spent summers in a house with no air and it’s 95 degrees outside and you look forward to night time, you’ll realized just how blessed you are. Even when you can’t see God moving, He is.

 

 

I truly thank God for my dad’s role in my life. It’s taught me just how much it means to truly be a man and I use my father as a model for how I would want my future husband to treat me and be a father to our kids. Which really eliminates a lot of guys that I shouldn’t be dealing with in the first place and that’s wonderful. I want to be with a man that my father would be proud to see me with. A man that my dad knows will be faithful in his walk with The Lord, that will work hard to provide, and that I can be safe and secure around.

 

 

So thank you daddy, for raising me in the church, for taking me to the park on saturdays in exchange for pulling out your gray hairs, for always buying me something no matter what store we were in (even Lowe’s), for giving me money for my feminine hygiene products as a teenager and then making corny jokes about them, “You bought a box of cookies?”, for laughing with me when I have to correct you on your accent on certain American words, for everything. Even as a 24 year old woman who’s the same height as you, I am still and will always be your little girl. 

Ladies: Do not let these men fool you in to thinking that you should be paying for your own meal on dates…

Or what I should have said was, not to let these HURT men fool you in to thinking that you should be paying for your own meal on dates. I’ve seen this conversation come up before, there’s videos of people talking about it on facebook. I even started watching some but I could never get through the whole thing and I have finally decided to make a response. Men and women who believe in “going dutch” and yes I’ve paid for my own meal before, even paid for meals for my man but the key factor in this was that he was MY MAN and it’s healthy to treat your man because he deserves it.

 

 

Dating however, is a different story for me. The reason why I am a firm believer in having the man pay for the meal on dates is simple and Steve Harvey said it best. He is not the prize, YOU ARE! Now, i’m not a huge fan of Steve Harvey giving relationship advice, but he’s got a point here. The Bible teaches us that it wasn’t good for man to be alone so he made woman specifically for man. Genesis 2:18. We were made for man. It is not our job to prove to men why they should choose us to be their partner. I’m an independent woman, I can afford to pay for my own meal and I have no problem in doing so. I’m not looking for a man to be my father (I already have a dad and he’s a great one at that). What I do need however, is for a man to prove to me that I am the one he wants ME to choose by courting me. That’s the problem with dating now. Women don’t give men the chance to court them anymore! Some women have become so consumed in wanting a relationship so quick and fast that they give themselves up too soon only to be hurt in the end. I know because that was me! There was a time where I just wanted a man to love me but I realize now that I want so much more than that. I need so much more than that. Yes, I need love but I also need stability, I need comfort. We get so caught up in wanting a man love us that we neglect to find a man who can LEAD us.

 

 

But let me pull it back some because I’m getting off subject. If we as single women believe that we are a prize then God will send us that leader. The Bible says that he will give us the desires of our heart. I desire for a man to prove to me that he is the one I should choose to do this thing called life with and I trust God enough to know that He will deliver in His timing. So if i’m out on a date and a guy asks me to pay for MY meal then I will do that. I have absolutely no problem in doing so but I can tell you one thing for sure, that will be the last time I go out on a date with him ever again. There’s too many hurt men out here that I simply do not have the time for and if my expectations are too much for them then they aren’t the ones for me. I would much rather spend the next twenty four years of my life waiting for the man God has for me then to go through another shitty relationship and get hurt again. What God has for me will be for me and if we knew just how great His plans are for us then we would gladly spend our time waiting patiently for Him. But we don’t know and the idea of not knowing when something is going to happen bothers us so we rush our lives, take what we can get and then expect God to help us when we fall when we were never meant to have gone through that relationship in the first place.

 

 

Don’t ignore the signs ladies. Know what you want from a man and if he can’t deliver then don’t settle. Please don’t ever settle. You are valuable and you are worthy and you deserve a man that is going to love you the way you want to be loved. It’s not easy being single but this single season that we are in is only because God is preparing us. It may not be for a relationship, it may be for a job or a trip, or a huge life change but remember that it is for a reason.

rihanna

I did something today that I told myself I would never do again. 

I prayed for my future husband. 

And I did it because I’m still not sure if God has someone for me but if He does then I want to make sure that he is someone that was sent to me from God. 

It’s been almost two years since my last serious relationship and those scars have not yet healed entirely. But as I attempt to open myself up back into dating I’m struck with the fact that I have absolutely no one to date. I mean absolutely no one. And here’s two reasons why… 

1. I refuse to date anyone who is not actively seeking God.
2. I refuse to date a boy. I need a man

It’s simple and I don’t believe I’m being picky or having too high standards but those two things are a big essential for me and if I’m not being shown that a man who wants to pursue me has those qualities then I obviously don’t want him. 

Even though I’ve met guys who do meet those standards. HOWEVER, they don’t want me. But that’s okay because the guy that God has saved for me WILL want me and I won’t have to do backflips in front of him for him to notice me. 

If and when I’m willing to take another chance on love then I want it to be a blessed relationship. I know it’ll have some hard times but anything given to you from God will be able to sustain anything. 


“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” Joseph Campbell 

Which I guess not having anyone one to date isn’t such a bad thing. I can say that I do find myself having a clearer mind and I do feel like I have built a stronger relationship with God. I’m content with my loneliness, I always have been and I always will be. 

So until it happens..

I don’t know if I’ve met my husband yet or not but my prayer for him is that he has the strength to continue on the path to becoming the man God has called him to be.

Until we figure this thing out…

https://soundcloud.com/black-indie-dude/freak-ocean-ready

I hope you dance 

The past few days have been difficult. I can feel that I haven’t been the same since Thursday and though I’ve cried many tears and slept more hours to ignore the pain, I have to smile again.

But I still can’t help but be sad for now. I’m sad because a woman who knew she was battling cancer and other diseases still managed to smile in the midst of her storm. She knew how sick she was but she never once complained. She didn’t have any kids of her own but she kept pictures of her nieces on her kitchen table. She loved us more than we knew. I know that she wouldn’t have wanted to see us mourn her death I can’t help but to. But even though I’m sobbing as I write this I must remind myself that she doesn’t have to suffer anymore and I know that she’s watching over me. I know she’d want to see me happy and getting on with my life. She’s impacted me in a way that I wasn’t even aware of until now. 

I may be sad for now but God will get me through. I have put my trust in Him and I know that there is a life to be celebrated. 


“Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭30:5‬ ‭NKJV‬‬


I wear a ring that says, “If God brings you to it, he will bring you THROUGH it.” So I am going to continue to praise Him during this rain because I have overcome trials myself that I didn’t think I’d get through but I did. And I am so thankful to know that I have an amazing amount of friends who have took the time out to check on me and spend time with me as I get through this. This sadness is only but for a moment compared to the immense joy that lies ahead. Christ died so that I wouldn’t have to go through these things alone and He continues to bless me in every breath that I take. 


“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.””

‭‭John‬ ‭16:33‬ ‭NLT‬‬ 


One of my absolute favorite songs of all time.


In memory of Lula Mae Harper💕