It happens to us all. Sometimes in big moments and sometimes in smaller ones. For me, he had to show me in the bigger ones last year.
So even though 2017 was just a few days ago I wanted to talk about how He had to remind me that He is God during the last few months of the year.
(This is going to be one of my more personal posts btw..)
So towards the end of the year I started dating this guy and in the begining I struggled with trying to decipher if this was the guy that God wanted me to be with. Turns out that it wasn’t but the way He had to reveal that to me was through a series of events that led me to realize that I needed to fast for the whole month of January.
Let’s start with October of 2017. I wake up in the morning and as i’m on my way to work I get into a car accident and end up rear ending the lady in front of me. My is car is nearly totalled but somehow still driveable. I have hardly any money to get it fixed let alone purchase a new car, so I have no choice but to continue driving this car when my dad is unable to take and pick me up from work. A week later, on a day when I chose to drive my car to work, I get a phone call around 8:45 in the morning from who I thought was my mom. It wasn’t. It was her neighbor using my moms phone to tell me that my mother has just had a seizure and is on her way in an ambulance to the hospital. The only thing I could think of was, “God please don’t take my mom. Not right now.” As i’m on my way to the hospital i’m calling my sister telling her to meet me there. She’s hysterical. I’m trying to hold it together for the both of us. It’s just all a mess. We get there, my mom hasn’t got in yet, when she finally does she’s in and out of sleep. We’re all trying to figure out why and how she had a seizure when she’s never had one before.
A few days after, my mom’s still in the hopsital. We find out she has a hole in her brain and it’s leaking cerebral fluid. She needs brain surgery to fix the hole and back surgery to drain the fluid. So during this time, I’m back and forth from my sister’s house, work, the hospital, and home. All while driving a busted vehicle. God, really showed me some humility with that one.
A few weeks go by, my mom has her surgeries and they all go well. Thank God. But it was so hard to see my mom in a hopsital not just alone but with machines and tubes in her so helpless. One of the things I thought of was when Jesus washed the disciples feet. All of them, even the ones who He knew would betray Him. I never really had the greatest relationship with my mom especially after she left me and my dad. But now, she needed me and I had to be there. God wasn’t only showing me that I needed to be there for my mom but He was showing her that she needed get her life together because He has the power to take it all away.
We get to December, my mom’s out of the hospital and doing better but I wasn’t.
This is when God had to show me that He is God and that I can’t continue to live my life like He wasn’t the one in charge. 2017 wasn’t a bad year for me but there were times when I made mistakes and told God “oh i’m not gonna do this anymore” or “this will be my last time doing this” but I still did it anyway after I made promises to Him that I’d stop. We can not play with God like that and because I did that God had to smack me back in place in the form of my own health concerns to make me realize “Okay God, I get it now. I will definitely stop now.”
I understand God’s movements and I never once hated or blamed God for going through issues that I brought on myself from my own selfish habits. This is what discipline is supposed to do. It’s supposed to keep us from making the same mistake over and over again.
So here we are in January, I’ve been fasting from social media since the 1st but I broke my fast this weekend for my niece’s birthday and because I knew it was time for me to open up about my own 2017 experiences. Even though I encountered some hardships, I also encountered some major blessings. I started a new full time job that I love. I was able to buy a new car that I absolutely adore. My skin is still clearing up, I mean we good over here! LOL
But on a more serious note, I have been talking to God about what I want to aim for and accomplish this year. I’m not one for resolutions but I do believe in progress. I’ve accomplished things that I never thought I’d be able to accomplish last year and so this year I want to do even more. Let’s see what else I can pursue and produce. (I’m speaking in terms of fruits and not babies!) I also feel as though God is telling me to be patient while He works. I really do want to put my full trust in Him because I want to be the woman that I’ve always dreamed of becoming because I know that I am not perfect. I mean, how can I be a woman that wants to speak life and wisdom in to other women when I’m not living right myself? But at the end of the day I am just as broken as the next woman. I stumble, I fall, I’m still gonna make some mistakes, but I don’t want to continue to make the same mistakes. Do you ever just get overwhelmed by the goodness of the Lord. Like even though we hurt God, lie to him, go back on promises, and just be all out DUMB, He still loves us. He still nailed ALL of our sins on the cross and we don’t deserve it. Which leads me to my other “resolution” or “progression” I want to go even further in the ways I talk about God. I want to really try to reach other people and have them know that this girl really loves the Lord with all of her heart. Because I honestly do, and if it had take me going through everything in 2017 to get here then I know that it was worth it. God tells us that if we only knew, if we only KNEW the prize he has for us! And that’s what I want. If I have to be single for the next 10 years of my life waiting on the man God does have for me then bring it on!
Plus y’all already know how I feel about men now so it’s nothing I can’t do 🙂
Nonetheless, let’s not blame God for our own decisions and what He takes us through. One of my favorite scriptures comes from 2 Corinthians. Paul says,
Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
It’s in those difficult times that we’re at our strongest because that’s when our faith increases and we have no other choice BUT to trust God. We have the power to move mountains with our faith so I thank God for showing His love for me in sufferings and I gladly take His discipline because it just means that I’m growing in Christ.
If you’ve made any resolutions this year then I hope that you stick with them, but my prayer is that you also progress this year. Aim to be a better person, do better, and make wiser decisions. Listen to God when He’s telling you no and when He’s telling you yes. But also when He’s telling you to just wait and be patient.