Dating distractions?

I realized today that Sundays are the best days for me to work on new posts not only because they are my “rest days” but because I get so much inspiration from Sunday morning service. I always get these ideas of topics I want to talk about but I’m unable to piece them all together because my brain gets so scattered. Plus most of my posts are of me just free writing. The reason why I don’t like starting posts and then working on them later is because I feel like I lose that drive or passion I get when I’m just ranting. Which, about 75% of my posts are of me just ranting but I digress.

 

Today at my Pastor talked about distractions and for the most part it seemed like cell phones were being served as our biggest distractions but I of course wanted to talk about men. Yes, men can be a huge distraction. I know because they certainly were for me. I say “were” because with my life being set up the way it is right now I definitely do not have the patience to deal with dating right now. But maybe you’re being distracted by dating? I mean, summer is coming. It’s slowly getting warmer, clothes tend to become lighter, DISTRACTIONS! Anyways, how do you know if your dating life is being a distraction or actually turning in to something? I for one tend to lose interest after a while and I find that sometimes guys can fit a certain description that we see as good fit but often times there’s just something missing.

 

What is that something though?

 

It’s like a certain spark or chemistry and if he doesn’t have it then it’s just a distraction to me. Plus there’s other characteristics to look for when determining whether or not that person is just a distraction. At this point in my life I am looking for someone that is wholeheartedly chasing after God. Not someone that’s just looking to become more “Spiritual.” I mean that’s cool for you and all but I want someone that can really dive into Romans with me if I ask and also go to church with. Someone that likes to go to church and not just do it because it’s the “right thing to do”. I remember last year I dated this guy that told me, “Oh I just don’t do Sunday morning service.” Literally like three sundays after going to a Sunday morning service with me at one of the Elevation campuses. So be careful, I think that we all should know by now that guys will tell you anything just to have sex with you. Yes, even these “Christian” ones.

 

And another thing, if he hasn’t commited to you by now then he’s just another distraction. You guys have been casually dating for how many months now and he has not even brought up the topic of a relationship yet? Let. It. Go. Do not give these men girlfriend benefits without the title because yes, TITLES DO MATTER!

 

One of the questions I still get asked the most is “Angelica, why are you still single?” and I hate answering this because if I could magically make a man appear that loved the Lord and actually liked me too then I would have been did that. The problem is I can’t just settle for any guy that likes me. 

 

And you shouldn’t either, you deserve a man that’s going to pursue you and not just treat you like arm candy. You deserve more than that.

 

I hope that you girls (and some guys) have had the chance to take something away from this. I feel a bit of hesitation putting this out there but maybe someone needed to hear it.

 

Thanks for reading!

 

Angelica

 

P.s. Got a subject you want me talk about? Let me know in the comments!

 

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Under attack?

I feel like the devil has really been coming after me lately. A few people know already but last wednesday I was in another car accident. I’m okay. A little sore still but I’ll be fine.

 

Anyways, no one likes to get in to car accidents. To me it just seemed like yet another thing for me to deal with. It just felt like moment after moment I was being hit (no pun inteded) with more bad news. For starters, my insurance company didn’t want to pay for my car to get fixed. Or should I say, my CLAIMS ADJUSTER didn’t. My car barely looked scratched and as for inside work it was the same. He wouldn’t let me get a second opinion, he didn’t want to release my car to me, he wouldn’t even let me keep my rental car for a SECOND DAY even though Geico says that they would pay for it for up to THREE days.

 

But upon dealing with all of that I can say that through it all I have been surrounded by so many people reaching out to me and praying over me. I honestly get so overwhelmed by the many prayers I’ve received. The past five days have been really challenging. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. But one thing stood out to me during this past Sunday’s service. My pastor said something along the lines of, “Christians always try to act surprised when the devil attacks you.” And boy was I surpised when I got hit by that postal truck. Plus my insurance company showing ZERO sympathy for me was exactly what I needed after that. My prayers have been short but they were still there. It just felt like what am I supposed to pray for when I keep expecting to get more bad news? As Christians we shouldn’t be so surprised when satan attacks. He comes to steal, kill, and destroy right?

 

Why am I discouraged?
    Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
    I will praise him again—
    my Savior and my God! 

Psalm 42:11

 

But who knows. God may have allowed this to happen but He kept me alive through it all. The devil may have tried to break my spirit (and honestly may have succeeded a little) by sending his own demonic claims adjuster to inspect my car but it was finally released to me and I was able to keep it as well as get it fixed at a much better, more resonably priced shop. Before today I was so confused about what to pray for. I am so thankful that I am okay and was able to return to work. I now realize that I just have to put my hope in God. This won’t be the first time I’ll be under attack. I’m sure the devil is just waiting to strike me again but isn’t that why faith is such a wonderful thing?

 

Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.

Romans 12:12

 

Continue praying for me and as always I will continue to pray for you.

 

-Angelica

 

BTW don’t get Geico insurance, they are horrible.

Two and a half years

It’s been two and half years since my one of my biggest heartaches.

It’s been two and half years of mindless dating.

It’s been two and a half years of more mistakes.

It’s been two and half years of “rediscovering myself”

It’s been two and a half years of growing, learning, and yearning for God to take control of my life.

And it’s been two and half years of pure loneliness.

 

Almost two years ago I wrote Where do I go from here? I was so inpired and eager to look forward to my future. I thought that perhaps maybe two years from then I’d finally be in love and moving forward with my life. But I’m not. If I’m being honest with you guys and myself, lately I’ve been having a hard time with singleness. In previous posts I was the girl that was in control of her singleness and didn’t need to waste her time trying to look for my future mate. But if I could just be vulnerable for a moment, I am not always that girl. I struggle with singleness, and I struggle with seeing that my ex fiance is still with the woman he cheated with me on and had a baby with. I struggle with going to church and seeing so many young seemingly happy couples in love because sometimes I want that too. I do want the happiness of being in love.

 

I’m writing this to let you know that I struggle just like you do. It gets hard and my mind gets tired of wondering if today will be the day I meet my future husband. I am sick of scrolling through instagram secretly looking for single men who look like they love God. Life is already draining enough and yet I dig the whole even deeper by coming home from work and listening to love songs and daydreaming about one day. 

 

So then what do I do? Truth is, I don’t know. Only God knows. I’ve dated plenty of men after my last breakup, even asked God time and time again, “Lord, is this the one?” and time and time again God let me know that it wasn’t. Okay, so what do I do in the mean time? I chase after God, I focus on my job, I spend time with my friends and enoying the life that I have, but I still want more. I am so happy for my friends who are in love but I want my own. They tell me, “Angelica, you’re going to meet him one day and it’s going to be so beautiful!” But when? I have been blessed with my car, my job, and in a few weeks I’ll be moving out of my dad’s place, but I want to keep searching for that missing piece.

 

Have you ever tried to do a jigsaw puzzle and you start working a certain section, pretty soon you get focused on looking for a particular piece? You spend minutes, perhaps hours (depending on the size of the puzzle) looking for it. You can’t find it so you finally move on focusing on other pieces and then once the puzzle finally starts to come together you look over and there it is, the missing piece. What I think God wants us to do is to move on and stop searching for that missing piece, spend some time putting the other parts of your life together and then when the time is right, God will reveal that missing piece to you.

 

I started reading this book recently called Party of One and it talks about how it is okay to struggle with singleness. I haven’t finished reading it yet, but so far it’s talking about a lot of the things that I have been going through. Having to take this time to really use your life to pursue God can be challenging but it’s so worth it. Imagine looking back years from now and sitting with your spouse talking about all the things you guys did before knowing each other and then add them to the things you two accomplished together. If we want to truly live a life worth living then we can’t always sit in our rooms alone sulking and waiting for the day we meet our spouse. Being single and lonely is not a terminal illness. Go out and do something amazing with your life.

 

Thanks for reading, like comment, share 🙂

 

-Angie

 

 

 

 

When God reminds you that He is God

It happens to us all. Sometimes in big moments and sometimes in smaller ones. For me, he had to show me in the bigger ones last year.

 

So even though 2017 was just a few days ago I wanted to talk about how He had to remind me that He is God during the last few months of the year.

 

(This is going to be one of my more personal posts btw..)

 

So towards the end of the year I started dating this guy and in the begining I struggled with trying to decipher if this was the guy that God wanted me to be with. Turns out that it wasn’t but the way He had to reveal that to me was through a series of events that led me to realize that I needed to fast for the whole month of January.

 

Let’s start with October of 2017. I wake up in the morning and as i’m on my way to work I get into a car accident and end up rear ending the lady in front of me. My is car is nearly  totalled but somehow still driveable. I have hardly any money to get it fixed let alone purchase a new car, so I have no choice but to continue driving this car when my dad is unable to take and pick me up from work. A week later, on a day when I chose to drive my car to work, I get a phone call around 8:45 in the morning from who I thought was my mom. It wasn’t. It was her neighbor using my moms phone to tell me that my mother has just had a seizure and is on her way in an ambulance to the hospital. The only thing I could think of was, “God please don’t take my mom. Not right now.” As i’m on my way to the hospital i’m calling my sister telling her to meet me there. She’s hysterical. I’m trying to hold it together for the both of us. It’s just all a mess. We get there, my mom hasn’t got in yet, when she finally does she’s in and out of sleep. We’re all trying to figure out why and how she had a seizure when she’s never had one before.

 

A few days after, my mom’s still in the hopsital. We find out she has a hole in her brain and it’s leaking cerebral fluid. She needs brain surgery to fix the hole and back surgery to drain the fluid. So during this time, I’m back and forth from my sister’s house, work, the hospital, and home. All while driving a busted vehicle.  God, really showed me some humility with that one.

 

A few weeks go by, my mom has her surgeries and they all go well. Thank God. But it was so hard to see my mom in a hopsital not just alone but with machines and tubes in her so helpless. One of the things I thought of was when Jesus washed the disciples feet. All of them, even the ones who He knew would betray Him. I never really had the greatest relationship with my mom especially after she left me and my dad. But now, she needed me and I had to be there. God wasn’t only showing me that I needed to be there for my mom but He was showing her that she needed get her life together because He has the power to take it all away.

 

We get to December, my mom’s out of the hospital and doing better but I wasn’t.

 

This is when God had to show me that He is God and that I can’t continue to live my life like He wasn’t the one in charge. 2017 wasn’t a bad year for me but there were times when I made mistakes and told God “oh i’m not gonna do this anymore” or “this will be my last time doing this” but I still did it anyway after I made promises to Him that I’d stop. We can not play with God like that and because I did that God had to smack me back in place in the form of my own health concerns to make me realize “Okay God, I get it now. I will definitely stop now.”

 

I understand God’s movements and I never once hated or blamed God for going through issues that I brought on myself from my own selfish habits. This is what discipline is supposed to do. It’s supposed to keep us from making the same mistake over and over again.

 

So here we are in January, I’ve been fasting from social media since the 1st but I broke my fast this weekend for my niece’s birthday and because I knew it was time for me to open up about my own 2017 experiences. Even though I encountered some hardships, I also encountered some major blessings. I started a new full time job that I love. I was able to buy a new car that I absolutely adore. My skin is still clearing up, I mean we good over here! LOL

 

But on a more serious note, I have been talking to God about what I want to aim for and accomplish this year. I’m not one for resolutions but I do believe in progress. I’ve accomplished things that I never thought I’d be able to accomplish last year and so this year I want to do even more. Let’s see what else I can pursue and produce. (I’m speaking in terms of fruits and not babies!) I also feel as though God is telling me to be patient while He works. I really do want to put my full trust in Him because I want to be the woman that I’ve always dreamed of becoming because I know that I am not perfect. I mean, how can I be a woman that wants to speak life and wisdom in to other women when I’m not living right myself? But at the end of the day I am just as broken as the next woman. I stumble, I fall, I’m still gonna make some mistakes, but I don’t want to continue to make the same mistakes. Do you ever just get overwhelmed by the goodness of the Lord. Like even though we hurt God, lie to him, go back on promises, and just be all out DUMB, He still loves us. He still nailed ALL of our sins on the cross and we don’t deserve it. Which leads me to my other “resolution” or “progression” I want to go even further in the ways I talk about God. I want to really try to reach other people and have them know  that this girl really loves the Lord with all of her heart. Because I honestly do, and if it had take me going through everything in 2017 to get here then I know that it was worth it. God tells us that if we only knew, if we only KNEW the prize he has for us! And that’s what I want. If I have to be single for the next 10 years of my life waiting on the man God does have for me then bring it on!

 

Plus y’all already know how I feel about men now so it’s nothing I can’t do 🙂

 

 

Nonetheless, let’s not blame God for our own decisions and what He takes us through. One of my favorite scriptures comes from 2 Corinthians. Paul says,

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

 

It’s in those difficult times that we’re at our strongest because that’s when our faith increases and we have no other choice BUT to trust God. We have the power to move mountains with our faith so I thank God for showing His love for me in sufferings and I gladly take His discipline because it just means that I’m growing in Christ.

 

If you’ve made any resolutions this year then I hope that you stick with them, but my prayer is that you also progress this year. Aim to be a better person, do better, and make wiser decisions. Listen to God when He’s telling you no and when He’s telling you yes. But also when He’s telling you to just wait and be patient.

 

Love always,

Angie

Love that will not let me go

As single Christians I have noticed that there is such a huge emphasis on finding the right person that it often becomes a bigger priority than our walk with Christ. We always hear about establishing a relationship with Christ and then He will send us the person we are meant to be with.

 

But what if you aren’t meant to be with anyone? What if God is calling you to be like Paul? Work for Him spreading the Good News and being single the rest of your life? Will you follow His calling?

 

I wanted to ask this question because in my first year of singleness I felt like there were too many people pushing me to find someone to be with. Of course with me being the person that I am, I wasn’t going to settle for just anyone. But it made me think about other women and men who fall into the trap of spending the rest of your life worrying about if this is the day your soulmate will walk in your life. Maybe you’ve imagined yourself walking into a coffee shop and you’ll look over and God will whisper in to your ear saying, “That’s the one.” We get so caught up trying to date and meet people that we lose our focus from God. Yes, finding our significant other is something we all want but what if God is not calling you to be with anyone? Yes, majority of us will fall in love and get married (God doesn’t really call that many people to stay single for the rest of their lives) but I asked the question about Paul earlier because I had to accept the fact that if God didn’t have anyone for me then I would still be happy.

 

If you truly believe that Jesus is enough for you and that He is your rock and Salvation then why do you feel the need to have anyone else?

 

During my second year of singleness I had come to the realization that if God wanted me to spend the rest of my life doing something I absolutely love and spreading the love and Word of Christ, then I didn’t need a man and I would still be happy.

 

So light a fire in my heart and I’ll burn for You. 

 

I believe that if we truly put our focus on God and living for Him then of course He will give us the desires of our heart. People would tell me all the time, “God will send you your man when you’re least expecting it.” So I took that time of “least expecting” and challenged myself to really strive after Christ and push myself to really live for Him and to love others.

 

So I started this blog. I wanted to help other women (and now men) on their journey through singleness. But it has also really helped me from removing a growing need for companionship into an evergrowing need for Christ.

 

My vision for writing this post was not to convince people to stop dating or to bash my friends for trying to get me to talk to guys. It is to challenge any single Christians reading this to make sure that your want for marriage does not hold a bigger place in your heart than your relationship with Christ.

 

“Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.”

‭‭John‬ ‭15:4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

 
Like always, thanks for reading and remember to comment, like and share! Also continue sending me your questions/concerns here!

 

Listen to Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go by Ascend the Hill

 

Questions?

Now that August is finally over I decided to wait until September to write my next post and I am so glad that I did. These past two weekends have been crazy busy but very good nonetheless.

I went to a PJ Morton concert.

I went out to eat with my family.

I picked up some extra hours at work.

I met my dad’s new girlfriend?

I hung out with some friends and spent Labor Day with my family and friends. 

 

So all in all it has been a pretty good ending to August considering the way that month started out. I can feel that some really good things are beginning to happen in my life but I am going to save that news for another time!

 

I got a few really good questions so here they are, your questions to me answered:

 

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Thank you! And yes I do. As I’ve said in a previous post I have really oily skin. I always have dealt with acne and scarring but it wasn’t until I really started wearing more makeup that I realized, I really need to take better care of my skin.

So I do a few things. I use African black soap by Shea Moisture to scrub off all the dirt and leftover makeup at the end of the day. I also use witch hazel with a small cotton round to really get inside my pores. Sometimes I use a little Vitamin E oil for scarring (It’s pretty oily so I don’t cover my whole face in it). Lastly, I just recently bought some rose oil spray from Marshalls for $5.99 so I use that in the morning and at night after I’ve washed my face so that it’s a little moisturized but not overly moisturized.

 

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Personally, when it comes to relationships I am not one to take people back. But i’m not saying that you shouldn’t. I believe that it’s something you need to seek God for guidance on. If you believe that that person has truly changed and the two of you can move on without dwelling on the past then go for it. In friendships, it’s kind of the same thing for me. I don’t believe in holding grudges but after someone has done me wrong, I have to be weary of them. Guard your heart and try not put yourself in the position to be hurt by them again. If you really love them (whether it’s a family member, friend, or relationship), and feel that they have learned from their mistakes then yes, give them that second chance but do it because YOU want to. People do change and growth is real. Try not to let other’s influence YOUR decisions but also be mindful of their advice. At the end of the day the decision to stay or move on is all based on what you want to do.

 

But if God is sending you signs that you need to leave that person alone then LEAVE THAT PERSON ALONE.

 

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Thank you. Well I would just start off by asking them if you can talk to them about something serious. What I do, is I rehearse what I want to say beforehand. Form your words as if you were talking to someone you don’t even know so that you’re not letting your own emotions show through your words. Also, tell them why you feel the way that you do. Remind them that you’re only telling them because you care but ultimately be mindful about how they might react to the news. You may help them or you may lose a friend, but if telling them how you feel helps them to walk away from whatever situation they are facing then I would say that it’s worth it.

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Ahh yes, I do listen to various types of music. Gospel and worship music are some of my favorites when I’m having a bad day or just need a pick me up. I use Spotify and my playlists are all public so feel free to follow them or just look through them to see what I’m listening to. Currently, I’m really in to Tell All My Friends by Will Reagan and United Pursuit. I’ll post that and some of my other favorites below. But to just tell name a few I really love Israel Houghton, Elevation Church, Hillsong, Travis Greene, Tasha Cobbs, Jesus Culture, Crowder, Social Club, John Givez, Andy Mineo, Mali Music, and sooooo much more!

Tell All My Friends

Worships Songs Playlist

Rap songs by Christian Artists

Mali Music Playlist

Blessings Playlist by Spotify

 

So that’s all of my questions for this week! Feel free to continue sending me your questions here. I also wanted to thank you all for taking the time to click the link to my friends ministry page on the last post. If you missed it you can find it again here. Also, one of my friends from my church is planning to go on The world race so if you are being led to donate to a cause or just want to learn more about what that is you can click the link to her page here. Thanks again for taking the time to read my post. Don’t hesitate comment, like, and share!

 

 

 

Rednecks, forgiveness, and Godly men

None of which will have anything to do with one another so we’re going to jump around today.

 

 

With everything that’s been going on since last Saturday I honestly have no words for all of that except that it was a hot ass mess. But what it did do was bring up a lot of conversation about race that many of us should be talking about. I posted a status on my Facebook page about the Black Lives Matter movements and how many people complained about how “violent” they were but how those same people were silent about Charlottesville. And then my “uncle” BY MARRIAGE commented something about how “all lives mattered” and that we “should be doing something about it instead of just talking about the issues” and that kind of triggered me. No, it REALLY triggered me because I’ve heard a lot of people saying that. “Oh anyone can post a status but what are you really doing about the situation?”

 

 

The truth is I am doing something about it and I believe that a lot of us are doing more about it now than we ever have before. There is nothing wrong with posting a status about your thoughts on the events that are happening because people are going to read it and they are going to talk about it. Now I’m not really one to post about my good deeds or acts of kindness but the other day at my job I just had a simple conversation about race with my Pharmacist that refers to herself as a redneck. Now I honestly love my Pharmacist, she’s from the small town of Bristol, Virginia and has this subtle southern accent. We don’t really get in to political affiliations but I am about 98% sure she votes republican. She is one of the most kind hearted, well-meaning spirits I have ever met. So the other night #Charlottesville came up and we just talked about how utterly disgusted we both were in the violence and bigotry that ensued and lives lost and how it is basically “not that serious.” But the part that really got to me was how she told me during her vacation her sister-in-law made a racist joke about black people and so she called her out on it, and explained to her that her child (who was playing near them at the time) is listening to the things her mom says about other people and then grows up thinking that way as well.

 

 

I was, how do these young people say? “Shooketh.” Not only because I was hella proud my Pharmacist took a stand against racism like that but because I feel that these are the conversations that need to be happening and this is how we respond with actions when people who hardly have jobs themselves jump in OUR FACEBOOK comments talmbout’ “That’s just how things are until we do something about it, talking is good but doing is better.”

 

 

Let me tell you all something. Do not let people who have nothing better to do with their time try to condemn you for your thoughts and opinions on matters that you are passionate about. Do not waste your time trying to argue with them, tell them why you feel that way and move on because you can’t argue with ignorance.

 

 

But the purpose of this post was not to throw all that shade so let’s move on to this week’s questions!

 

 

This past week I got these two interesting questions that I’m really happy I got. I am so glad a lot of you seemed to really enjoy my previous post on forgiveness.

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Yes, I did end up forgiving that person and although the conversation was still very hard, and the devil STILL tried to come for my happiness. In the end I felt like I did what I needed to do and I felt a great weight being lifted off of my chest. No I don’t see us becoming friends any time soon or even in the next few years for that matter but I do feel like that tie I had to him was finally cut off. I’ve forgiven him and I can really move on with my life because I have made peace with the situation. True forgiveness starts in the heart, not only did I forgive him but I even apologized for things that I’ve said. It wasn’t easy but it was necessary for my healing. I am not completely healed, I’ll always remember nearly driving off a bridge this time two years ago because my car hydroplaned and then getting left for another woman right after but in the future those wounds won’t hurt nearly as bad. God always takes us through things for a reason.

 

 

 

And for the second question

 

 

What Qualities do I look for/have prayed to God for in my future husbnad?

 

 

The number one thing on my list and that I absolutely have to start with is a Godly man. I pray for a man that is going to lead me spiritually. I am a heavy thinker, and I get stressed so easily, so I need a man who’s going to turn to me in my hard times and say something like, “Why are you so worried about this situation when you know that God is going to lift you up out of it?” I mean Godly in every aspect of it. I’ve dated a lot of “Christian boys” and “guys who believe in God” but never in my life have I dated a Godly man. Godly men don’t ask you come over after 11pm to just “hang out.” They don’t pressure you to have sex or do things you don’t want to do for their pleasure. I’ve made those mistakes before and dated guys like that and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere but left me heartbroken. Every. Time. So not only do I pray for a Godly man but I pray for the ability to walk away from the men that don’t possess this quality and it has been very effective lol

 

 

As for other qualities, I would like a man that I can get along with and can share that special friendship with. I believe in that spark. That feeling of just knowing that this is the person for me so I pray that God reveals that to me in my future husband. I also want to be with a guy that is on the same level as me intellectually, which is probably why I can no longer date guys from Richmond, but anyways!

 

 

This morning I was thinking about some of the past guys who have shown an interest in me over the years and I chose not to date them because I just knew that we didn’t have that spark. I mean they were “good guys” loved the Lord, prayed, went to church, all that but I never felt that special connection with them. Now they got girlfriends, or happily married, even married with kids. I’ll stumble upon them on social media and think, “Dang. That coulda been me in Europe right now”

 

 

But I was never that cold-hearted. I never wanted to be with a person thinking that I’m only with them based on what they can give/do for me. I know in my heart that someday God is going to send me a man that is going to make me realize why I chose to wait for him. Sometimes we miss out on the great things God has for us because we chose the things that we want at the time because they are convenient to us or just look good.

 

 

I hope you all continue to read and enjoy my posts! Remember to comment, like and share!

 

 

I think next week i’m going to take a break from the questions because I have something else on my heart I’d like to share with you all but continue to send your questions here and I’ll answer them in a future post!

Forgiveness 

I really do not want to message this person but I know I should. It is time for me to begin this process of forgiveness. The thought of it makes my stomach turn. How do you forgive someone that has hurt you so bad the thought of them still makes you angry after two years?

 

 

The other day I was talking to my friend and I was telling her about how I wanted to forgive someone. I WANT to forgive them but I am not sure that I CAN forgive them yet. Honestly, I am still angry, and sad, and filled with all of these other emotions that I claim I don’t still have for them but I know that I do. So I ask myself, “Why do I want to forgive him?” I want to because I want to finally be free of this anger and bitterness. I want to move on and truly close that chapter of my life. It’s been almost two years since my ex fiancé left me for another woman and the thought of it still makes me want to drive my car in to a tree. But forgiveness.

 

 

A few days after getting this crazy idea I get this question about, you guessed it! Forgiveness.

(God is always trying to make me face my problems man…)

pout

 

 

 

I’ll start by saying that I am no expert on forgiveness. I do not think that anything I say will be some secret life changing way of forgiving someone. What I can tell you though, is how I forgave someone so close to me for hurting me.

 

By now some of you have read my testimony about growing up with a mother struggling with an addiction. It was hard and I was angry all throughout middle and high school because my mother abandoned me when I needed her the most. But one night during prayer in my youth group when I was about 16 or 17 I finally forgave her. It wasn’t easy but it was necessary for me and for my walk with God. I knew that God was leading me in a particular direction where I couldn’t do what He called me to do while continuing to live with this hurt in my heart especially towards someone so vital to my life; My mother.

 

“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you and so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3:13

 

What I get from this verse is that people are not perfect. They are going to hurt you especially if they themselves have been hurt by others. Sometimes they’ll apologize for what they did and sometimes they won’t because they don’t think that what they did was wrong. But it’s not our job to argue or demand an apology every time. It is our job to forgive them and let go of the hurt because it is then when we can truly find peace in Christ. One of the things I’ve realized is that God is working things out in our lives individually and in a way that is set up specifically for us. So just how God wants to work things out in your life, He wants to work things out in the lives of the people that hurt you as well. If God can forgive the person that hurt you and put you through so much pain and heartache and sleepless nights then so can you.

 

 

So to get back to the question, yes it is going to be hard to forgive them but you have to for YOUR sake (and sanity.) And as for “moving on” sometimes friendships are only meant to last a few seasons and if that season is over then yes you should move on especially if you’re starting to feel like it’s getting too toxic for you mentally. Some friendships can be life draining. You try and try to be there for that person and love them and pray for them but they don’t always see the sacrifices you made to keep that friendship strong. You just have to forgive them and move on anyway. But continue to pray for them. I still pray for my old friendships because I know that we all have our own demons that we face daily and you may not realize just how bad their battle is. The spirit of suicide is strong and so many people struggle with thoughts of it. So if you’ve had people close to you confide in you about them dealing with that please PLEASE continue to cover them in prayer. Even people that haven’t made you aware of it. We have all been given the gift of life. Let’s use it.

 

 

I hope that this post has given you some clarity on your question. Not one of us is perfect but we serve a perfect God. He did not put us on this Earth to live in constant hurt or pain. If you are thinking about forgiving someone but don’t feel like you are ready to it’s okay. Tell God that you want to forgive them and He will hear you and give you the strength to. I haven’t yet gotten up the strength to forgive the person that has hurt me but I want to and I need to so that I can be free and truly move on.

 

 

(…Plus, what if the reason why I can’t find a man is because I’m still hanging on to all this hurt? But seriously, it’s been like two years.)

 

 

Alright now I’m done.

blanche

 

Look for my new blog posts on Sundays! Most likely not every Sunday but this is the day where I have the most time because I have no life and all I do is work.

 

 

Thanks for reading and keep sending your questions and comments!

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National Suicide Prevention

1-800-273-8255

 

 

I asked you guys to send me some questions and well, here’s what we got;

But first let me update you guys on some things in my life.

 

After several months of studying and working in the Pharmacy I am now a state of Virginia registered Pharmacy Technician! The reason why I wanted to share this with you all is because if you really knew me then you’d know just how nervous I was about taking the state exam. What was crazy about it is that every one told me that I would pass and I had so many people praying for me. I mean really, the days leading up to my exam were some of the most nerve wrecking days ever but what amazed me was how many people prayed for me, I mean people that I hardly even knew! I am forever grateful for all of the prayers that contributed to me getting an 89 on my exam! YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!! Also, I made the decision to join a new church so I am pretty excited about that too!

 

Now to these questions,

 

Earlier this week I learned about a new app called Sarahah. If you don’t know it’s kind of like Formspring and ask.fm where people can send you anonymous messages so I made one for you guys to send me questions to answer on my Blog! And well a few of you did lol

 

So here they are;

Hmm, well one of the best things that I could tell you would be time. I know it’s doesn’t seem like it’s the easiest thing to do but giving yourself time to heal is honestly the most satisfying. What I did after my breakups, was just spend time with myself, learn about what YOU like and YOU don’t like. I remember this one time in college I was headed to the gym at the start of my sophomore year and I had ALWAYS wanted to go rock climbing and I remembered asking my ex the year before if we could go and of course he said no. So that evening I was just like, “I am going to climb that wall!” So I went in and they strapped me up to climb up the wall and as I got to the top I got so nervous but the instructor just kept reminding me to, “Just let go, you’re going to be fine!” And in that moment I did and I let go of EVERYTHING and even though it may not seem like much it was one of the most liberating experiences of my life.

There’s alway that one friend that constantly trolls your messages. Thanks Tye!

Yes! This is my blog that I made last year in March. I decided to start writing a blog because writing was one of the things that helped me get through some pretty rough moments throughout high school and since 2015 was a rollercoaster of a year for me I settled for a blog! And I love reading my friends blogs so please go right ahead!

Thank you so much! I’ve learned to respect people’s opinion’s about my blog and so far it seems like a lot of people really like it so that makes me happy. Plus if there was any criticism I would be more that open to hearing that as well. A good number of my guy friends have told me that they’ve read my posts and I always like to ask them what they think and so far so good.

 

As for my “Romantic Endeavors” no. There’s not much romance going on in my life right now. It’s funny because I said that 2017 would be my year to find a man but that’s not really working out right now so I think I’m just going to shoot for next year. I mean I would be open to dating a guy of course but like I said in a previous post, I dont get asked out much.

 

Also, the guys I do tend to like don’t text back so there’s that.

 

 

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This was fun! If you guys want to send me some more questions to add to a future post then please feel free to comment them or send them to me here. I mean I could talk about relationships for days but if there is anything else you would like to hear me talk about then let me know!

 

 

 

Last Cigarette 

Have you ever been that person that your friends come to for advice sometimes? And then after you think wow my friends are so lucky to have me because that would totally be what I would have done if I was in that situation. But then only to find yourself in that EXACT position and NOT do what you said you’d do? What I’m trying to say is, things are easier said than done. 

Sometimes we find ourselves in positions that we promised we would not put ourselves in again and yet, here we are. But I will admit to my mistakes, I know that I am not perfect and I fail God every day but I am trying. Sometimes it takes one last mistake to truly get your mind focused on what’s right. But it’s hard. They’ll be setbacks, withdrawals, pressure and many times we give in to it. 

“Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.””

‭‭Mark‬ ‭14:38 NLT

Now I don’t smoke but my mom did. Marlboro lights 100s. Towards the end of last year my aunt came out and told us that she had COPD as well a few other health issues. My mom took it really hard so she quit smoking. Just like that, cold turkey. And I knew how difficult it was for her especially when my aunt passed away a few months ago. But my mom didn’t give up. She’s still cigarette free for about 7 months now and I’m proud of her. 

Temptation is hard. We all give in to it sometimes but try not to be so hard on yourselves when you do. Instead pray about it and ask God to remove what ever desire it is that is tempting you whether it be a cigarette, a drink, or a person. Things will eventually get easier to resist but it depends on your willingness to trust in Him.