Dating distractions?

I realized today that Sundays are the best days for me to work on new posts not only because they are my “rest days” but because I get so much inspiration from Sunday morning service. I always get these ideas of topics I want to talk about but I’m unable to piece them all together because my brain gets so scattered. Plus most of my posts are of me just free writing. The reason why I don’t like starting posts and then working on them later is because I feel like I lose that drive or passion I get when I’m just ranting. Which, about 75% of my posts are of me just ranting but I digress.

 

Today at my Pastor talked about distractions and for the most part it seemed like cell phones were being served as our biggest distractions but I of course wanted to talk about men. Yes, men can be a huge distraction. I know because they certainly were for me. I say “were” because with my life being set up the way it is right now I definitely do not have the patience to deal with dating right now. But maybe you’re being distracted by dating? I mean, summer is coming. It’s slowly getting warmer, clothes tend to become lighter, DISTRACTIONS! Anyways, how do you know if your dating life is being a distraction or actually turning in to something? I for one tend to lose interest after a while and I find that sometimes guys can fit a certain description that we see as good fit but often times there’s just something missing.

 

What is that something though?

 

It’s like a certain spark or chemistry and if he doesn’t have it then it’s just a distraction to me. Plus there’s other characteristics to look for when determining whether or not that person is just a distraction. At this point in my life I am looking for someone that is wholeheartedly chasing after God. Not someone that’s just looking to become more “Spiritual.” I mean that’s cool for you and all but I want someone that can really dive into Romans with me if I ask and also go to church with. Someone that likes to go to church and not just do it because it’s the “right thing to do”. I remember last year I dated this guy that told me, “Oh I just don’t do Sunday morning service.” Literally like three sundays after going to a Sunday morning service with me at one of the Elevation campuses. So be careful, I think that we all should know by now that guys will tell you anything just to have sex with you. Yes, even these “Christian” ones.

 

And another thing, if he hasn’t commited to you by now then he’s just another distraction. You guys have been casually dating for how many months now and he has not even brought up the topic of a relationship yet? Let. It. Go. Do not give these men girlfriend benefits without the title because yes, TITLES DO MATTER!

 

One of the questions I still get asked the most is “Angelica, why are you still single?” and I hate answering this because if I could magically make a man appear that loved the Lord and actually liked me too then I would have been did that. The problem is I can’t just settle for any guy that likes me. 

 

And you shouldn’t either, you deserve a man that’s going to pursue you and not just treat you like arm candy. You deserve more than that.

 

I hope that you girls (and some guys) have had the chance to take something away from this. I feel a bit of hesitation putting this out there but maybe someone needed to hear it.

 

Thanks for reading!

 

Angelica

 

P.s. Got a subject you want me talk about? Let me know in the comments!

 

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Two and a half years

It’s been two and half years since my one of my biggest heartaches.

It’s been two and half years of mindless dating.

It’s been two and a half years of more mistakes.

It’s been two and half years of “rediscovering myself”

It’s been two and a half years of growing, learning, and yearning for God to take control of my life.

And it’s been two and half years of pure loneliness.

 

Almost two years ago I wrote Where do I go from here? I was so inpired and eager to look forward to my future. I thought that perhaps maybe two years from then I’d finally be in love and moving forward with my life. But I’m not. If I’m being honest with you guys and myself, lately I’ve been having a hard time with singleness. In previous posts I was the girl that was in control of her singleness and didn’t need to waste her time trying to look for my future mate. But if I could just be vulnerable for a moment, I am not always that girl. I struggle with singleness, and I struggle with seeing that my ex fiance is still with the woman he cheated with me on and had a baby with. I struggle with going to church and seeing so many young seemingly happy couples in love because sometimes I want that too. I do want the happiness of being in love.

 

I’m writing this to let you know that I struggle just like you do. It gets hard and my mind gets tired of wondering if today will be the day I meet my future husband. I am sick of scrolling through instagram secretly looking for single men who look like they love God. Life is already draining enough and yet I dig the whole even deeper by coming home from work and listening to love songs and daydreaming about one day. 

 

So then what do I do? Truth is, I don’t know. Only God knows. I’ve dated plenty of men after my last breakup, even asked God time and time again, “Lord, is this the one?” and time and time again God let me know that it wasn’t. Okay, so what do I do in the mean time? I chase after God, I focus on my job, I spend time with my friends and enoying the life that I have, but I still want more. I am so happy for my friends who are in love but I want my own. They tell me, “Angelica, you’re going to meet him one day and it’s going to be so beautiful!” But when? I have been blessed with my car, my job, and in a few weeks I’ll be moving out of my dad’s place, but I want to keep searching for that missing piece.

 

Have you ever tried to do a jigsaw puzzle and you start working a certain section, pretty soon you get focused on looking for a particular piece? You spend minutes, perhaps hours (depending on the size of the puzzle) looking for it. You can’t find it so you finally move on focusing on other pieces and then once the puzzle finally starts to come together you look over and there it is, the missing piece. What I think God wants us to do is to move on and stop searching for that missing piece, spend some time putting the other parts of your life together and then when the time is right, God will reveal that missing piece to you.

 

I started reading this book recently called Party of One and it talks about how it is okay to struggle with singleness. I haven’t finished reading it yet, but so far it’s talking about a lot of the things that I have been going through. Having to take this time to really use your life to pursue God can be challenging but it’s so worth it. Imagine looking back years from now and sitting with your spouse talking about all the things you guys did before knowing each other and then add them to the things you two accomplished together. If we want to truly live a life worth living then we can’t always sit in our rooms alone sulking and waiting for the day we meet our spouse. Being single and lonely is not a terminal illness. Go out and do something amazing with your life.

 

Thanks for reading, like comment, share 🙂

 

-Angie

 

 

 

 

When God reminds you that He is God

It happens to us all. Sometimes in big moments and sometimes in smaller ones. For me, he had to show me in the bigger ones last year.

 

So even though 2017 was just a few days ago I wanted to talk about how He had to remind me that He is God during the last few months of the year.

 

(This is going to be one of my more personal posts btw..)

 

So towards the end of the year I started dating this guy and in the begining I struggled with trying to decipher if this was the guy that God wanted me to be with. Turns out that it wasn’t but the way He had to reveal that to me was through a series of events that led me to realize that I needed to fast for the whole month of January.

 

Let’s start with October of 2017. I wake up in the morning and as i’m on my way to work I get into a car accident and end up rear ending the lady in front of me. My is car is nearly  totalled but somehow still driveable. I have hardly any money to get it fixed let alone purchase a new car, so I have no choice but to continue driving this car when my dad is unable to take and pick me up from work. A week later, on a day when I chose to drive my car to work, I get a phone call around 8:45 in the morning from who I thought was my mom. It wasn’t. It was her neighbor using my moms phone to tell me that my mother has just had a seizure and is on her way in an ambulance to the hospital. The only thing I could think of was, “God please don’t take my mom. Not right now.” As i’m on my way to the hospital i’m calling my sister telling her to meet me there. She’s hysterical. I’m trying to hold it together for the both of us. It’s just all a mess. We get there, my mom hasn’t got in yet, when she finally does she’s in and out of sleep. We’re all trying to figure out why and how she had a seizure when she’s never had one before.

 

A few days after, my mom’s still in the hopsital. We find out she has a hole in her brain and it’s leaking cerebral fluid. She needs brain surgery to fix the hole and back surgery to drain the fluid. So during this time, I’m back and forth from my sister’s house, work, the hospital, and home. All while driving a busted vehicle.  God, really showed me some humility with that one.

 

A few weeks go by, my mom has her surgeries and they all go well. Thank God. But it was so hard to see my mom in a hopsital not just alone but with machines and tubes in her so helpless. One of the things I thought of was when Jesus washed the disciples feet. All of them, even the ones who He knew would betray Him. I never really had the greatest relationship with my mom especially after she left me and my dad. But now, she needed me and I had to be there. God wasn’t only showing me that I needed to be there for my mom but He was showing her that she needed get her life together because He has the power to take it all away.

 

We get to December, my mom’s out of the hospital and doing better but I wasn’t.

 

This is when God had to show me that He is God and that I can’t continue to live my life like He wasn’t the one in charge. 2017 wasn’t a bad year for me but there were times when I made mistakes and told God “oh i’m not gonna do this anymore” or “this will be my last time doing this” but I still did it anyway after I made promises to Him that I’d stop. We can not play with God like that and because I did that God had to smack me back in place in the form of my own health concerns to make me realize “Okay God, I get it now. I will definitely stop now.”

 

I understand God’s movements and I never once hated or blamed God for going through issues that I brought on myself from my own selfish habits. This is what discipline is supposed to do. It’s supposed to keep us from making the same mistake over and over again.

 

So here we are in January, I’ve been fasting from social media since the 1st but I broke my fast this weekend for my niece’s birthday and because I knew it was time for me to open up about my own 2017 experiences. Even though I encountered some hardships, I also encountered some major blessings. I started a new full time job that I love. I was able to buy a new car that I absolutely adore. My skin is still clearing up, I mean we good over here! LOL

 

But on a more serious note, I have been talking to God about what I want to aim for and accomplish this year. I’m not one for resolutions but I do believe in progress. I’ve accomplished things that I never thought I’d be able to accomplish last year and so this year I want to do even more. Let’s see what else I can pursue and produce. (I’m speaking in terms of fruits and not babies!) I also feel as though God is telling me to be patient while He works. I really do want to put my full trust in Him because I want to be the woman that I’ve always dreamed of becoming because I know that I am not perfect. I mean, how can I be a woman that wants to speak life and wisdom in to other women when I’m not living right myself? But at the end of the day I am just as broken as the next woman. I stumble, I fall, I’m still gonna make some mistakes, but I don’t want to continue to make the same mistakes. Do you ever just get overwhelmed by the goodness of the Lord. Like even though we hurt God, lie to him, go back on promises, and just be all out DUMB, He still loves us. He still nailed ALL of our sins on the cross and we don’t deserve it. Which leads me to my other “resolution” or “progression” I want to go even further in the ways I talk about God. I want to really try to reach other people and have them know  that this girl really loves the Lord with all of her heart. Because I honestly do, and if it had take me going through everything in 2017 to get here then I know that it was worth it. God tells us that if we only knew, if we only KNEW the prize he has for us! And that’s what I want. If I have to be single for the next 10 years of my life waiting on the man God does have for me then bring it on!

 

Plus y’all already know how I feel about men now so it’s nothing I can’t do 🙂

 

 

Nonetheless, let’s not blame God for our own decisions and what He takes us through. One of my favorite scriptures comes from 2 Corinthians. Paul says,

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

 

It’s in those difficult times that we’re at our strongest because that’s when our faith increases and we have no other choice BUT to trust God. We have the power to move mountains with our faith so I thank God for showing His love for me in sufferings and I gladly take His discipline because it just means that I’m growing in Christ.

 

If you’ve made any resolutions this year then I hope that you stick with them, but my prayer is that you also progress this year. Aim to be a better person, do better, and make wiser decisions. Listen to God when He’s telling you no and when He’s telling you yes. But also when He’s telling you to just wait and be patient.

 

Love always,

Angie

Symphony of Illumination

I have decided to do something I’ve never done before. When I started my blog I was hesitant about posting my writing but now I’ve decided to post just a few short pieces of my poetry writings.

I hope you enjoy.

 

 

I fell in love with my solitude

And I rose with the wind

Into my writing

Through my words

And directly and intently in front of you.

 

 

 

 

What would you say if I told you that he hurt me more than you?

I didn’t think that I could experience a pain like this.

Again.

I live with a constant dagger in my heart.

I love with a constant dagger in my heart.

What would you say if I told you I spent more nights in bed crying our first month together, than our first year?

 

You think love can’t get any harder, it does.

 

 

 

I sought to wait for you

To take hold of the moment when He brought you to me

I didn’t realized you were here all along

I look for you in the clouds My inspiration comes from above

The Life of a Hopeless lover

 

 

And who knows, maybe one day I’ll allow myself to fall in love with him but until then I must continue to live my life loving me for who I am.

 

 

Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this and as always, thanks for reading!

Do you

Sometimes I sit in my room and think to myself, “Wow, there’s people in this world that genuinely do not like me.” But then I realize that for every person that doesn’t like me, there’s like 10 people who adore me!

But this isn’t some vain post about all the people I’m cool with or how many friends I have.

This post is about how sometimes you’ll come across people who don’t or just stop liking you. And that’s okay. Who knows why these people stopped liking me; and I’m not talking about just ex best friends, there’s ex boyfriends that really despise me too but I’ve realized that I can not reverse who I am as a person. I am strong, I am opinionated, and I tell people the honest truth without sugar coating things. For example, if you’re dating a sh*tty guy, I am going to tell you that he’s a sh* tty guy and that you deserve better because I want what’s best for you. I’ve realized that some women just aren’t strong enough to simply walk away from bad relationships like I am and that’s okay.

(Actually it’s not okay. Know your worth child!)

As for ex boyfriends, I know that I am not perfect but I also want what’s best for me. No I haven’t always made the best relationship decisions, but I have always had the strength to walk away from each one when it became more than I could handle. It was when I realized that my sad/miserable days outweighed my happy/content days within my relationship. In the most humble way possible I tell myself that I deserve the best because I believe that I myself am the best and I am worthy of a healthy and God driven love. If I am not receiving what I want out of a relationship then it’s time for me to leave. But for some reason, some of my ex’s believe that this was “asking for too much” or me being “spoiled” so they dislike me because I decided to walk away from them without continuing to put up with their mess.

Well yes. I am spoiled. I was spoiled by a man that loves me unconditionally and worked hard to provide for me and show me what a real man is like.

Thank you daddy.

But anyways, I say all of that to say this; there will be people that come around and will genuinely not like you and there isn’t anything you can do about it but to accept it. People come into your life for reasons and it teaches you something about them. That people are not perfect. We all have flaws and insecurities and oftentimes these people will try to break YOUR spirit and take it out on YOU. But you need not to worry about these people. Block them, move on with your life, and enjoy the peace God gives you when you realize that you don’t even need these people in your life. Think about the people that do like you and think your amazing and a joy to be around. These are the people that matter.

betterkanye

Update* I forgot to mention go follow the new Instagram: @alliamisyoursblog

I love love

I do, honestly. I love seeing people happy in love. I would even love to see myself happy and in love one day. Getting married and perhaps having a baby or two. Love is a beautiful thing.

 

But my life. Oh my life.

 

I dream of the day a man worthy enough comes in to my life and truly makes me happy. But we all do no matter what we’ve been through.

 

One of my favorite things to do is to sit in my room with a glass of wine and listen to love songs all night while imagining I’m out with a man who adores me and wants to be with me. I see myself being a housewife some day cooking thanksgiving dinner and throwing lavish parties with glass plates and tableware. My husband and I go golfing on Saturday mornings and then come home to take the kids out after. We go to church on Sundays and hold hands as we pray.

 

I realize this is a little contradicting to my previous post but a girl can still dream right?

Just some thoughts

I’m not anti marriage/relationship

I’m anti unhappy marriage/relationship

This doesn’t mean that I don’t want to get married some day. I’d love to get married one day but I’m not going to marry some one just for the title or attention. I’m also not going to marry someone who makes me unhappy.

I know that relationships can be tough and rocky but I believe that there are some things you should be able to work out and some things that are red flags that you should turn away from.

As for me there are things that I simply refuse to put up with. I have noticed that by now I have dated my share of guys. Men love to fall in love with me but they don’t stay with me. It’s not my fault. At least I don’t think it is. In my opinion I believe that I deserve to be loved in a certain way and if a man can not love me in that way then I can not be with him.

I would like a man’s love for me to be open and honest and when we have a disagreement I want to come together to figure out a solution so that it doesn’t happen again. I feel like many young men do not understand this concept. Young men can be very selfish. They want to be seen as “leaders” yet they have no idea what it’s like to actually lead a person. They want women to just say yes to every proposition they make without giving us anything in return. Men love to take but they don’t know how to give back. They think that material things are what women want and need but not it’s not. We want emotional security more than anything.

At least I do.

Yes I like nice things. But I also like nice men. Men who listen to me and consider what I’m saying and asking for out of a relationship.

But men like to be difficult as always and I refuse to settle for just any relationship. I know there’s going to be hard times but if I can’t trust you to be there for me to get through those hard times then I can’t be with you.

Anyways, this was just another random single black female post. Continue on with your Sunday…

Questions?

Love that will not let me go

As single Christians I have noticed that there is such a huge emphasis on finding the right person that it often becomes a bigger priority than our walk with Christ. We always hear about establishing a relationship with Christ and then He will send us the person we are meant to be with.

 

But what if you aren’t meant to be with anyone? What if God is calling you to be like Paul? Work for Him spreading the Good News and being single the rest of your life? Will you follow His calling?

 

I wanted to ask this question because in my first year of singleness I felt like there were too many people pushing me to find someone to be with. Of course with me being the person that I am, I wasn’t going to settle for just anyone. But it made me think about other women and men who fall into the trap of spending the rest of your life worrying about if this is the day your soulmate will walk in your life. Maybe you’ve imagined yourself walking into a coffee shop and you’ll look over and God will whisper in to your ear saying, “That’s the one.” We get so caught up trying to date and meet people that we lose our focus from God. Yes, finding our significant other is something we all want but what if God is not calling you to be with anyone? Yes, majority of us will fall in love and get married (God doesn’t really call that many people to stay single for the rest of their lives) but I asked the question about Paul earlier because I had to accept the fact that if God didn’t have anyone for me then I would still be happy.

 

If you truly believe that Jesus is enough for you and that He is your rock and Salvation then why do you feel the need to have anyone else?

 

During my second year of singleness I had come to the realization that if God wanted me to spend the rest of my life doing something I absolutely love and spreading the love and Word of Christ, then I didn’t need a man and I would still be happy.

 

So light a fire in my heart and I’ll burn for You. 

 

I believe that if we truly put our focus on God and living for Him then of course He will give us the desires of our heart. People would tell me all the time, “God will send you your man when you’re least expecting it.” So I took that time of “least expecting” and challenged myself to really strive after Christ and push myself to really live for Him and to love others.

 

So I started this blog. I wanted to help other women (and now men) on their journey through singleness. But it has also really helped me from removing a growing need for companionship into an evergrowing need for Christ.

 

My vision for writing this post was not to convince people to stop dating or to bash my friends for trying to get me to talk to guys. It is to challenge any single Christians reading this to make sure that your want for marriage does not hold a bigger place in your heart than your relationship with Christ.

 

“Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.”

‭‭John‬ ‭15:4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

 
Like always, thanks for reading and remember to comment, like and share! Also continue sending me your questions/concerns here!

 

Listen to Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go by Ascend the Hill

 

Why do guys take so long to ask a girl out on a date? 

Yes, here I go again.

 

I feel like I’ve touched on this topic before but once again it’s popped up in to my mind yet again and I am sitting here wondering why are guys so afraid? I get it, rejection is hard but if the girl is clearly in to you then why are you taking so long?

 

Are you like me? Do guys sometimes message you, send you subtle flirty texts, tell you how you guys should, “hang out” but never really follow through. Well, this post is for you and I am here to tell you to LEAVE THESE GUYS ALONE.

 

Sis, stop wasting your time. If a guy was REALLY interested in you then he would have already taken iniative to ask you out on a clear date. I am telling you all of this because this was me. I would feed in to the cute messages guys would send me about hanging out with the hopes that maybe it would turn in to an actual date but it never happened. Guys love attention just as much as we do and getting it from a cute girl just boosts their ego even more. Now if you’re just looking for a good time then go right ahead, text these guys. But if you’re like me and are tired of young men wasting your precious time then move on. Keep it at a strictly friendship level because as soon as you guys start hanging out he’ll start complaing about how he’s in the “frienzone.” Well, because you put yourself there my guy.

 

But I digress.

 

What you don’t want to do is become emotionally invested in a guy that’s not taking the time to pursue you the way you deserve. Men go after what they want and if he truly wanted you then he would tell you straight up that he’s interested in getting to know you on more than a friendship level.

 

Now in the mean time, prepare yourself for when a guy finally does step to you like a real man and asks you out.

 

But I’ll save that part for another post though…

Girl-Got-To-Have-Standards-Black-And-White-Single-Online-Dating-Gif-1

 

Featured Image

 

Questions?

Now that August is finally over I decided to wait until September to write my next post and I am so glad that I did. These past two weekends have been crazy busy but very good nonetheless.

I went to a PJ Morton concert.

I went out to eat with my family.

I picked up some extra hours at work.

I met my dad’s new girlfriend?

I hung out with some friends and spent Labor Day with my family and friends. 

 

So all in all it has been a pretty good ending to August considering the way that month started out. I can feel that some really good things are beginning to happen in my life but I am going to save that news for another time!

 

I got a few really good questions so here they are, your questions to me answered:

 

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Thank you! And yes I do. As I’ve said in a previous post I have really oily skin. I always have dealt with acne and scarring but it wasn’t until I really started wearing more makeup that I realized, I really need to take better care of my skin.

So I do a few things. I use African black soap by Shea Moisture to scrub off all the dirt and leftover makeup at the end of the day. I also use witch hazel with a small cotton round to really get inside my pores. Sometimes I use a little Vitamin E oil for scarring (It’s pretty oily so I don’t cover my whole face in it). Lastly, I just recently bought some rose oil spray from Marshalls for $5.99 so I use that in the morning and at night after I’ve washed my face so that it’s a little moisturized but not overly moisturized.

 

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Personally, when it comes to relationships I am not one to take people back. But i’m not saying that you shouldn’t. I believe that it’s something you need to seek God for guidance on. If you believe that that person has truly changed and the two of you can move on without dwelling on the past then go for it. In friendships, it’s kind of the same thing for me. I don’t believe in holding grudges but after someone has done me wrong, I have to be weary of them. Guard your heart and try not put yourself in the position to be hurt by them again. If you really love them (whether it’s a family member, friend, or relationship), and feel that they have learned from their mistakes then yes, give them that second chance but do it because YOU want to. People do change and growth is real. Try not to let other’s influence YOUR decisions but also be mindful of their advice. At the end of the day the decision to stay or move on is all based on what you want to do.

 

But if God is sending you signs that you need to leave that person alone then LEAVE THAT PERSON ALONE.

 

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Thank you. Well I would just start off by asking them if you can talk to them about something serious. What I do, is I rehearse what I want to say beforehand. Form your words as if you were talking to someone you don’t even know so that you’re not letting your own emotions show through your words. Also, tell them why you feel the way that you do. Remind them that you’re only telling them because you care but ultimately be mindful about how they might react to the news. You may help them or you may lose a friend, but if telling them how you feel helps them to walk away from whatever situation they are facing then I would say that it’s worth it.

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Ahh yes, I do listen to various types of music. Gospel and worship music are some of my favorites when I’m having a bad day or just need a pick me up. I use Spotify and my playlists are all public so feel free to follow them or just look through them to see what I’m listening to. Currently, I’m really in to Tell All My Friends by Will Reagan and United Pursuit. I’ll post that and some of my other favorites below. But to just tell name a few I really love Israel Houghton, Elevation Church, Hillsong, Travis Greene, Tasha Cobbs, Jesus Culture, Crowder, Social Club, John Givez, Andy Mineo, Mali Music, and sooooo much more!

Tell All My Friends

Worships Songs Playlist

Rap songs by Christian Artists

Mali Music Playlist

Blessings Playlist by Spotify

 

So that’s all of my questions for this week! Feel free to continue sending me your questions here. I also wanted to thank you all for taking the time to click the link to my friends ministry page on the last post. If you missed it you can find it again here. Also, one of my friends from my church is planning to go on The world race so if you are being led to donate to a cause or just want to learn more about what that is you can click the link to her page here. Thanks again for taking the time to read my post. Don’t hesitate comment, like, and share!