A few weeks, maybe months ago now, the enemy paid me a visit in the early morning. He came just after I had started having negative thoughts about myself after not being able to sleep. You see, after gaining a few extra pounds in 2019 I began to look at myself differently. I thought of myself as ugly sometimes. I didn’t see how anyone would want me. I tried to see myself as someone else and I was almost repulsed at what I saw. After doing that he grabbed a hold of me and told me that I wasn’t worthy. That God couldn’t save me. I mouthed Jesus’ name as best I could and after what seemed like the longest 10 seconds of my life he drifted off across my ceiling.
I worried about sleeping at night the next day but I knew that God didn’t want me to be afraid. The devil has no power over me. I think back to that night and about what it may have meant. Why he would even think to come to me of all people. I’m not a prophet, one to speak in tongues or even someone who can bring a whirlwind of the Holy Spirit into the room. I’m just a girl that trusts God.
That was enough to get him to try me.
I’ve been obedient to God in ways that seem unattainable to some. God knows that I can’t be easily shaken. In a way I like to believe that he challenged me kind of like how God allowed him to torment Job. In this case, I wasn’t going to let him win either. I knew the power that God had over my life and I knew anything the enemy told me wasn’t true. After the past week I’ve come to realize just how much God is working in my life. I stopped telling myself that I wasn’t pretty enough or even happy enough. My pastor talks about “I am” statements and how to be mindful of what you say that comes after your “I am…”. In my case, I tell myself that I am whole and I have joy in my life not matter who enters or leaves.
“In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.”
Psalms 4:8 ESV
Blessings,
Angelica
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